"They call me . . . Tater Salad."
Seriously, Gritz, the very next time you have any chance to check out Ron White, do so. You will laugh until you hurt.
Posted on 08/20/2004 4:39:09 AM PDT by Tom D.
Sam Kinison: The Original South Park Republican
Sam Kinison has always been my favorite stand-up comedian. While he was vulgar, grossly obscene, shockingly cruel, sometimes blasphemous, & outrageously offensive, he was also wickedly funny and delighted in skewering politically correct targets that few other people had the guts to take on.
While Kinison is certainly no role model and would surely offend -- well, just about everybody on both sides of the political spectrum -- I wanted to share a little bit of his humor with you because I find Kinison funny for many of the same reasons that I enjoy South Park (Of course, South Park is still running and Kinison died back in 1992, so a lot of you probably aren't all that familiar with his work).
So here are some snippets from some of Kinison's bits that you may find funny, provocative, outrageous, and even offensive. But, I'm going to post them and let you make up your own mind. There's certainly nothing here worse than you'll see on the average episode of South Park...
Sam Kinison on world hunger...
You want to help these people? Stop sending them food. Don't send these people another bite, folks. You want to send them something, you want to help these people? Send them U-Hauls, send them luggage, send them someone like me, I'll walk out there..send a guy who'll go,
'Hey, we just drove 700 miles with your food and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would LIVE WHERE THE FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. YEAH. DID YOU KNOW NOTHING CAN GROW IN THIS SH*T? HERE, EAT SOME OF IT, TASTE IT. KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT'S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! GET YOUR KIDS, GET YOUR SH*T, WE'LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA -- WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN THEM, @SSHOLES!"
Sam Kinison on bombing Libya...
Ever since we bombed Libya ya know, I'm just in that f*cking tear everything up mood. Blast 'em. That was just too cool man, American bombers going in going "Where's the baby's room?" *** BOOM *** "Where do you keep the little girl"? (Explosion sound).
We did out job, we only f*cked up one place, we "accidentally" dropped a bomb on the French embassy. (Crowd "AWWWWWWW"). Sorry about that, I'm sure would have been a little better if we had more f*cking sleep. Thanks for those extra 6500 air miles you f*ckheads, build a new house!
We're not f*cking around anymore, it's time to be the tough guy. This is America Godd@mnit, Reagan's President and Clint Eastwood has his own police force.
Sam Kinison on homelessness...
You give 'em the test. You sit 'em down and you go "Eh, you got any job skills, any career training? Any type of talent for anything that'll help you get a job?"
"No"
"Do you have any loved ones, do you have any friends, someone who'll love you enough to take you in, help you get back on your feet, help you fight back?"
"No"
"Is there anything left inside of you as a man that wants to get on his two feet and do something to change his world?"
"No"
*** BOOM *** I swear to God, the guy behind him is going to go,
"Woah, woah, woah, My God, you're shooting the homeless!....Ok, I'm homeless, I don't have a job. I may have set my career goals a little too high. All right, all right. I was holding out for an executive position. That doesn't look like it's going to happen. Give me a couple of hours, I'll get a paper route, I'll get something. I'll get a job where I take the carts back to the grocery store, don't shoot me!"
The homeless will disapear, that'll be one less problem for America.
Sam was less "gay tolerant" than South Park, although there are parallels. I certainly found him a slightly guilty pleasure. Laughed my ass off! And I miss him.
My husband and I saw him in Cleveland one time at the Nautica. We were totally destroyed--tears running down our cheeks, and our faces hurt so bad from laughing. He was a very funny man.
So true. I remember Andrew Dice Clay, in his prime. Now that guy could make me laugh!
Sam Kinison-Simply put, the funniest Mother F'er ever. I think he'd like that.
Sam Kinison, Dennis Leary, Dice Clay - in their prime, that would be one helluva show!
The first line I ever heard from Sam Kinison was when he was on a Rodney Dangerfield HBO special. He came out and said, "I would have been here earlier, but I just spent the last 20 minutes at a 7-11 going 'MARLBORO! MARLBORO! SMOKEEE SMOKEEE. YOU CAN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH, HOW DID YOU GET THIS JOB?! I SHOULDA SHOT YOUR A** IN DA NANG WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!'" He became my favorite comedian right then and there.
"Oh, you mean the $5000 down payment on your *****?" Whatever happened to him?
Yeah..
Sam as comedian was still Sam the preacher..
Often his routines dealt with morality, religion, etc..
Often, his audience was too busy laughing to realize they had just heard a sermon..
I remember when that revelation struck me..
I think I was high at the time... ;oP
Great post! I too loved BAD SAM. Of my many favorites I still tell the "homosexual necrophiliacs" one with the sight gag of course:
"Oh I'm dead now...I guess I'll just rest in eternal peace with my soul.....what the.. ..hey....hey.....AAAUGUAUAUAUUAUAHGHGHGH."
Killer.
I remember hearing an interview with Sam, not too long before he died. Someone asked him how he was able to reconcile his former life as a preacher with what he was doing as a comedian, and also asked if he had given up on God.
Sam said something to the effect of, "hey, I've read the bible. I know how it ends. It's not like if someone's car is going off a cliff they start yelling 'oh, Satan, please save me'. No, I figure I'm still pretty good with God."
He was a preacher before he did stand-up. (I'm not making that up.)
"You lying whore . . . you used me . . . you never loved me . . . I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! Die! Die! Die! I want my records back!"
Screamin' Sam Bump!
"No no, we're not done yet! Let's invade another country! I got a great first stop, VIETNAM! Just totally surprise the hell out of those people! (DL impersonates Vietnamese person): "You make movie?" Not this time pal!"
Oh yeah, the family w/ voiceboxes was side-splitting. Complete robotic monotone "Get the dog too" "Sparky com'ere" "Arfarfarf"
I miss him.
"Yeah, I get a place to f*** yer sister."
Almost spilled a drink.
OMFG... he didn't say that did he!? That's gotta be the funniest thing I've heard all week!
Was that from the phone call too? (see 39) It's been too long since I've revisited Sam's comedic genius.
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