Oh, he will obey. I have already written my reply, but will not send it to him until Monday. Here it is, let me know what you think. He has not asked me for any money yet....
Dear Harden Long:
Sorry that it took me so long to get back to you, but your last email really offended me. I was very shocked and disappointed in the tone of your last email. I was just being friendly which is what we businessman do over here in America. Maybe it is alright to be rude to partners in your town, but we frown upon that behavior. I am a good ole boy from the south and if you said those things to my face, I would open up a can of whoop ass on ya. Just kidding about whooping your ass Josh, but you really have hurt my feelings. I thought we were gonna be friends. You see, I love jokes & anyone I do business with had better know a few. Laughing keeps us young & we will be laughing all the way to the bank, right? I really want to help you out because 20% of 35 million is a lot of money. I am already a fairly wealthy man, but am always trying to increase my fortune. Even though I joke around, I am very serious.
About that picture thing... I am not calling you a liar, but you never told me that you didn't have a photo of you & Nelson.
You should have one of you with your brother though. I am very serious about seeing a photo. It is the only way I can be sure you are trustworthy. I will not do business with someone who is afraid to show me what they look like. The passport photo is no good as it could be anyone. I must know it is actually you. I will only know that if you hold up a sign with a special message for me. I would like it to say "A Moose Bit My Sister" or "I am Harden Long" or "Marshall Tucker Rocks My World".
Just pick one of those...Surprise me. I would also like you to tell me a joke. Here is one for you, I hope you like monkey jokes.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table---whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cueball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."
Hahahhaha. I love monkey jokes & that one is the funniest. I am leaving today for the beach house again. The neighbors are complaining about the smell & stray dogs are all over the place. I may have to shoot them. Send me you phone number & I will call you because you have written that you called me, but I have not gotten any messages. I would also like to bring you some presents when I meet you in London. I want to bring you something special for including me in this once in a lifetime deal.
What do you like?
Boom Shanka,
Harry Palmer