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To: jellybean




You Know You're a Redneck When
(do you know anyone like this?)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

3. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

4. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.

5. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

6. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

10. Your grandmother has Ammo on her Christmas list.

11. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

12. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

13. You have used a rag for a gas cap.

14. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

15. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

16. You can spit without opening your mouth.

17. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
18. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

20. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

21. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

22. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

23. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

24. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

25. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

26. You've asked the preacher, "How's it hangin'?"

27. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.


56 posted on 06/06/2004 4:06:03 AM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

Top Ten Movies Playing In Afghanistan and More!

10. "Sleepless In Jalalabad"

9. "Throw Osama From The Train"

8. "Pretty Woman And Her Brutal Death By Stoning"

7. "Singing In The Reign Of Terror"

6. "There's Something About Christiane Amanpour"

5. "Riding In Cars With Boys Is Forbidden"

4. "Seven Brides For One Brother"

3. "When Harry Met A Veiled Woman He Assumed Was Sally"

2. "Osama, Where Art Thou?"

1. "Glitter"

11. Bridge Over the River's Gone.

2001: A Base Odyssey

2001: A Taliban Odyssey

20,000 leagues under the mountain

2000BC

A Streetcar Named Repress Your Desire

"A Mullah and a Gentleman"

A Streetcar Named Oblivion

Arsenic and Old Anthrax

"All in the Fatwah"

"All Beheadings Considered"

A Rumor of Retreat

All Dancing is Dirty Dancing!

All About Ibrahim

"Ali's Quiet on the Khyber Pass"

All's quiet on the Khyber Pass

Afghanistan Burning

A Hard Day's Carpet Bombing

Along Came a Spy Plane

Afghanistan Burning

An American in i sharif

A Camel Under the Influence

Apocalypse Now

All dying on the western front

Al Qaeda on the Western Front

"A Farewell to Arm"

Batman re-runs

"Buffy, The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

Bridge on the river Khyber

"Bin Laden in the Attic by 72 Virgins and Now I'm Tuckered Out"

Being There, The Sequel: Not Being There Anymore

Body Heat Sensors

Bring Me the Head of OBL

Back to the Torture

Bin Laden on a Hot Tin Roof

"Bloody in the Sand"

Bin hurt

Battlefield Earth

Blown Up in 60 Seconds

Bent and stumpy

"Cave Improvement"

"Cave by Cave" (compare to "Room by Room")

"Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"

"Camel-Week"(weekly vehicle review)

"Cave Improvements"

Camel Driver

Close Encounters of the Rumsfeld Kind

Crouching Mullah, Hidden'sama

Casablamo

Citizen Caned

Cat on a Hot Mud Roof

Dances not Permitted with Wolves;

Das Burkha


"DEAD MEN WALKING" or
"DEAD MEN RUNNING"

Dude, Where's My Cave?

Dude, Where's My Camel?

"Documentary: Gray Davis", how to tell the difference between power outages caused by incompetence and carpet bombing...

"Dead Mullahs Society"

Die in Lard.

Dead Muslims Society

"Documentary: Beatdown", best ways to make females grovel.

"Dodge-Bomb"

"Dr. StrangeLove", or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Taliban's view on sex

"Driving Miss Daisy Cutter"


Death Space Nine

Dances with goats

Desert Trek --- The Wrath of Khan

Dropping Mrs Daisy Cutter

Erin Burqa Witch

Enslaving Private Ryan

EC (= Emergency Country)

Fatima Foop

F-16's Flew Over Bin Laden's Nest

Full Metal Turbin

Force Ten from Crawford

From Russia With Love

"Flying Camelnecks"

Fist full of Burkhas

For a few Rupees more

"Feetwatch"

"Friends", starring Bill & Hillary, Yasser, Saddam, and cameos by Mommahdar K.

Francis the Talking Mullah

Field of Screams

Gone With the Wind

Guess who's coming to win here

How Beige was my Valley

"Helen Keller: My ideal Woman, by Osama Bin Laden"

Honey I Shrunk the Kid Goats!

Hairy Plotter

Harry Potter, Stoned for Being a Wizard

Heaven's Gate

"How the West Won"

Indiana Jones and the Fast crusade

I know what you did last Jihad!

I STILL Know what you did last Jihad!

"I remember Osama"

It's a Wonderful Death

I dream of TV

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mullah

Indiana Jones and Another Crusade of Infidels

"I STILL Know What You Did Last Ramadan"

Just Bomb Me

Journey to the Center of the Earth

"Last of the Mohamads"

Liar Liar

Long Day's Journey into Pakistan

Last Year at Jalalabad

Last of the Taliban

Monday Night Footless Ball

Mutiny for the $5,000,000 Bounty

Mullah Abdulla's Laboratory

My Favorite Wives

Miss Saigon but Hit Kabul

Mourning Becomes Everyone

"Mullah Salami Meets Howard's End [a CNN original]"

My Blue Burqa

Men in Burqas

Meet Osama Doe!

"My Twenty-three Sons"

"Mashed to Pieces Theater"

"MATMAN"

"Married, With Camels"

"Mad At You"

"Married with Harem"

"Mohammed Gump"

My Best Friend's Stoning

Men in Burqas

More Than One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Cave

Mazar-i-Sharif Poppins

My Scared Lady

Muhhamad Atef - The Right Stiff

No Sound of Music

National Geographic Explorer special "The Caves of Bin Laden, starring Geraldo Rivera"

"No Left Foot"

No Futurama

"No-witness News

"Never on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday"

Ordinary Sheep-pals

One Red Burqa

"Osama's Cave World, starring Geraldo Rivera" on Public Access TV channel 39.

Oh, Allah!

Oh, Allah! - Book 2

Popeye the Taliban

Pulp Faction

Power Puff Planes

Poke the man

Pure Hell for Osama

Planet of Dirty Terrorists Who Smell Like Apes

Planes, Helicopters, and Cruise Missiles

"Pretty Goat"

Rapidly, Last Ramadan

Raging kabul

Reservoir Goats

"Returning Glass to Sand"

Run Silent, Run Deep (in those caves!)

Rats

Riding in Cars with Bombs

Radiation Burn treatment tips by the Weather Channel

Silence of the Goats

Scent of a Burka

"Sand Grit"

"Send Me No B-52s"

Silence of the Goats

Sands of Khyber Pass

Suddenly Last Summary Execution

Survivor (Plot twist: You WANT to be voted out!)

Saturday Night Hemorrhagic Fever

"Seven B-52's for Seven Mullahs"

The Postman Always asks for Cipro Twice

The Bombed Out Bridges of Madison County

The Usual Suspects

The Fast and the Furious Retreat

The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers

The Xed-Files

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

The Phantom Menace

The Smelly, The Bad, and THe Ugly

The Dead Suicidal Patriot

The Preacher's Wife will be tried for Apostasy

THe Quiet man can be made to scream

the death of a nation

The Goats of Wrath

The Fugitive

The Discreet Charm of the AC-130

The Incredible Shortness of Being

The Guns of Kabul

The Fighting Bin-Ladens

The Seven Camel Jockeys

"THE X-FATWAS"

"The Invisible Men"

"The Liars Clubbed"

"The Texas Boxcutter Massacre"

"The Price is Right If Osama Says It's Right"

"The Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

The Perfect Storm Trooper

The Unbearable Heaviness of Bombing

the silence of the afgans

The king and I are in Exile

That Twelfth Century Show

The Flight-school Graduate

The Grinch Who Stole Ramadan

Tombs of Internment

Take Me To Kabul (Abdul)

Three Days of the Kandahar

Terminator B52: Judgement Day

Terrorist, Interrupted

This is Multiple Spinal Fracture

"To Catch a Terrorist"

Terminator B52: Judgement Day

"The Odd Couple", starring Bill and Hillary.

"To Kill a Mocking Kurd"

"Taliban Girl: How to Take a Beating"

"Taliban Boy: Pointers from Gary Condit"

Terms of Entombment

Three Men and a Camel

"Touched by A Mullah", from Black and Blue Productions.

"Thank God It's Ramadan"

"Tombstones"

"The Bin Laden Bunch"

"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah"

The Adventures of Burhanuddin Rabbani Across The 8th Dimension

They died with their burkha's on

"Veilwatch"

Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

"Weekend at Osama's"

Who Wants to Be a Suicide Terrorist?

"Wheel of Fortune and Terror

Whose Cave is it Anyway?

"Welcome Back, Osama"

You are Pressed into the Army Now;

Yellow Submarine Cruise Missile Launch

"You've got Anthrax in the Mail"



Kabul TV

8:00 "Captain Kandahar"
9:00 "The Saudi Duty Show"
9:30 "Talibantubbies"
10:00 "Afghan Rugrats"
10:30 "My Mullah the Car Bomber"
11:00 "The Flying Nut"
11:30 "The Flintstonings"
12:00 "Jee-Hawd"
1:00 "The Sunni and Sheik Comedy Hour"
2:00 "Bazooka"
3:00 "The Veiled, Veiled East"
4:00 "Teenage Ninja Muslim Turbans"
4:30 "Anthrax Roadshow"
5:30 "The PJs" (with Peter Jennings)
6:00 "Sixty Virgins"
7:00 "Torched by an Avenging Angel"
8:00 "Everybody Loves Ramadan"
8:30 "The Drew Carriers Show"
9:00 "Enemies"
9:30 "Not Landing"
10:30 "The Merry Traitor Maher Show"

TODAY'S BEST BET:

2:00 "Bazooka" Eastern. The Cartridges have to deal with crack British and American forces that have invaded the Ponderosama. Starring Lerne Meene as Bin Cartridge, Bernhell Roberts as Atom, Damn Blockade as Camm, Michael Laden as Little Jihad, and Victor Die Yung as Hop Plane.



You are Pressed into the Army Now;

Everybody Loves Ramadan

Dawsons Dry river bed

Xena-phobic

Power-Puff Planes

Who Wants to Get the Hell Out of Here

Jalalabad R.F.D

"I'll give you two mules for your sister Sara"

They Bombed by Night

Judgement at Kandahar

Dubya's Inferno

Who's Afraid of Osama?

Some Like It REAL Hot

Gentlemen Prefer Burqa's

All About Abdullah

On a Clear Day You Can See Uzbekistan

Terms of Surrender

My Favorite Wives

Citizen Caned

Mazar-i-Sharif Poppins

Mutiny for the $5,000,000 Bounty

The Postman Always asks for Cipro Twice

Muslims, Inc.

Dying With Boys On Camels

Rangers in the Night

Clean your carpets with "carpet bombing"

Praying for birds to fall on US troops.

Feeding 50,000 fleeing Taliban.

How to rebuild with stones.

Toyota trucks for sale.

Killing our Muslim brothers in a Jihad for Allah.

Take Me To Kabul (Abdul)

Desert Trek --- The Wrath of Khan

Blown Up in 60 Seconds

Indiana Jones and Another Crusade of Infidels

The Fast and the Furious Retreat

No Futurama

Just Bomb Me

Death Space Nine

That Twelfth Century Show

Who Wants to Be a Suicide Terrorist?

Monday Night Footless Ball

The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers

Force Ten from Crawford

The Goats of Wrath

The Fugitive

Crouching Mullah, Hidden'sama

20,000 leagues under the mountain


63 posted on 06/06/2004 5:16:38 AM PDT by RaceBannon (VOTE DEMOCRAT AND LEARN ARABIC FREE!!)
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