THANKS TONS FOR YOUR QUALITY REPLY.
My heart goes out to you.
YES. YOU ARE RIGHT. SOME ARE SO INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO JUST KEEP UP WITH ENERGY WISE. And, one CANNOT DO SO ALWAYS.
Thankfully, USUALLY 75% or even 60% of the time is sufficient. With some children, it must be 80-90% of the time unless and until one is over a difficult stage or has established internally in the child some adjustments.
Certainly with autism and related problems, genetics, dynamics--my STAUNCH assertions fall apart. HOWEVER, MY ASSERTIONS ARE STILL THE *BEST* WAYS TO HANDLE SUCH, NEVERTHELESS. Doing less will only result in worse.
It's just that many times, even the absolute best with situations like autism--will still be inadequate.
In such cases, I think one has to enlist and train siblings and extended family members with the best professional inputs. That's a major chore and expense in many ways.
But I have seen families do it.
TONY CAMPOLLO raised now Harvard graduates in novel ways. The son was voted among the best dressed at Harvard I think more than one year. THEY ALWAYS BOUGHT THEIR CLOTHES AT THRIFT STORES.
Tony and a crew of, I forget, 5-6 other couples, families lived near each other. All were Yuppies. I forget the percentage, but I think they lived on like 10-20% of their incomes and pooled and devoted the rest of their incomes to 3rd world community development projects. A whole other dramatic set of stories.
But they shared mowers, cars, major tools etc.
The main point is, one CAN work out novel solutions to money issues as well as time and togetherness issues. It takes extra doing initially but is well worth is once it's up and running well.
BTW, I'm not saying ANY of this to trigger guilt in parents. If Holy Spirit convicts of laziness and selfishness, that's one thing. But hey, I've blown many things seriously in my life and some more than once.
I just know from tons of hard experience that MUCH MORE SUCCESS CAN AND MUST BE HAD with a variety of children and even SOME very difficult children--than many parents can imagine.
And, I don't have a great deal of EXTENDED patience any more with parents who are mostly selfish and lazy and blame everything on the child or circumstances or school or whatever. YES, all those things are horrid. But not as horrid as under Rome 2,000 years ago.
I much appreciate your heartfelt response. I hope you have found some solutions for your autistic child. There's certainly a lot more known about it now than 30 years ago. I think many times, joining the child in the child's area of strength--whether it's art or whatever, can do SOME SIGNIFICANT THINGS toward building a bond and communication--even if it's more intuitive and affectionate than verbal. Yes, I know, there's still a ton of 'not there' or 'not connecting' at best with most autistic children. But, one takes what one can achieve and then goes on. And, one builds on layer after layer even if the layers are too thin for one's hopes.
God's best to you.
And, I don't have a great deal of EXTENDED patience any more with parents who are mostly selfish and lazy and blame everything on the child or circumstances or school or whatever. YES, all those things are horrid. But not as horrid as under Rome 2,000 years ago. >>
I'm with you there Quix. I would not be home with my children if I didn't think being here and the time and attention matters to their development. Believe me, we are on the same track. I think what annoys me and others is that the job is made so much harder by the outside influences, but to some degree they have always been there haven't they?
I much appreciate your heartfelt response. I hope you have found some solutions for your autistic child. >>
We are getting there. Fortunately, he has always been very affectionate so that has been a positive. He's maturing and things are changing. He is 4 and I'd say he is functioning at about a 2-3 yr old emotionally still with little speech though. He's started that defiance that a 2 yr old has--he obviously understands us now(which he did not before) but chooses to look you in the eye and disobey--typical for a 2 yr old's development. It still is work to engage him--speech is always initiated by us and it is easy if you aren't paying attention to let the little things with him get lost in the shuffle since he won't speak up. He's getting more assertive physically, but not verbally. Like I said, we are getting there and although I love my son, we are praying to God this next son due soon will not have these issues. We shall see and deal with whatever comes I suppose.
Take care