James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[L.N. Smithee]

I would say Phil's music is total crap (old SNL skit awarded him Most Meaningless Songwriter Award) but he wrote "It's No Fun Being An Illegal Alien" which frees him from Streisand's level of BAD. One of the funniest songs ever. I think people should flood 80's stations with request because IT IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT to play the song. Anything to tweek the PC police!

"Illegal Alien" is on the Blender list, and I think it belongs there. I don't believe there is any intrinsic value in political incorrectness, which seems to be an opinion shared by South Park and Family Guy fans.

I like Phil's early solo stuff and think he's among pop music's greatest drummers. But he has a tendency to steal hooks and song titles from other artists. Just one example: "Sussudio" was nearly a note-for-note knockoff of Prince's "1999."

[One_American]

As a child of the 70's I fondly remember nominating the song "There's a Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" as our grammar school graduating class song. Of course it didn't go over too well with the girls and we ended up with "Color My World" which was about as nauseating as actually eating a dead skunk in the middle of the road.

[sully777]

"'Illegal Alien' is on the Blender list, and I think it belongs there. I don't believe there is any intrinsic value in political incorrectness..."

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No intrinsic value in political incorrectness? Funny, I find no intrinsic value in PC. WE HAVE A "MEXICAN STAND-OFF" AT THE FR! LOL

BTW, I hate South Park. Yes, my friend, I've said "YES to hate" when it comes to anything South Park.

[Arkinsaw]

I'll give a dishonorable mention to "Don't Bring Me Down" by the Electric Light Orchestra. It's not that it's among the very worst songs ever; it's just that this grating travesty came from a group that produced so much genuinely brilliant material. (If you don't like ELO's hit songs, which were never their best material, listen to their first five or six albums and get back to me.)

"Time" was a brilliant concept album in my opinion, until you get to "Hold on Tight" which was just thrown in there to have another cruddy bubble-gum pop ELO radio song. Its like going to an opera and halfway through somebody comes out with banging on a trash can lid. Jarring.

ELO did that on every album, lots of good stuff and then WHAM! crap, right between the eyes. They always released the drivel as the "hit" single.

[BOBWADE]

In the late eighties there was a song called "fast car" That I absolutely hated! Worst song I ever heard. Tracy Chappman I believe.