James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[BSunday]

Feel Like Makin' Lunch - another Bad Co. classic lol

[macrahanish #1]

In concert, Sonic Youth used a giant screen with a projection of Karen Carpenter's head. It was quite possibly the most frightening thing I've ever seen, although Crispin Glover in any form comes close.

[macrahanish #1]

I didn't see it on this thread. I think I've seen it before, though. Is it the one where Nimoy is "singing' while having a bunch of technicolor hippie chicks flounce about?

[Guvmint_Cheese]

Is it my imagination, or after some 620-odd posts, nobody has mentioned any recordings from Satan's two most heinous musical performers of evil ever to afflict this Earth...

Barbra Streisand and Phil Collins!!! BARRRRFFFFF!!!!

[70times7]

Not a single song listed in your post could even remotely be referred to as rock.

OK, how about "A Little Ditty about Jack and Dianne" (or whatever the name of that insipid song is...) ?

If I had an eating disorder that song would come in just as handy as (and only slightly less annoying than) "Take the Money and Run (aaahhhoooooogaaaahhhh)"

[TheBigB]

And the immortal, "All Out Of Lunch" (Air Supply) :^)

[Luis Gonzalez]

Six hundred posts later and no one's mentioned Barry Manilow?

That tells me a whole lot more about the posters, than their list of "worst songs".

[BSunday]

How about "Making Lunch out of Nothing At All"

[BSunday]

I mentioned Copacabana, and I think someone a long time ago brought up Mandy.

[TheBigB]

Can't get enough of your lunch, babe...</barrywhite>

[BSunday]

...and who can forget Aerosmiths hit "Lunch in an Elevator"

[-YYZ-]

Sea of lunch?
When lunch comes to town?

[BSunday]

Oh Ruuuuuuuuby.....don't take your lunch to town

[sully777]

Feel like Makin' Lunch -- Bad Co

Baby when I think about you, I think about lunch
darling I don't live without you and your lunch
if I had those golden grahams of my yesterday
I would wrap you In the bacon as they lay frying on the way

feel like makin ......feel like makin lunch, feel like makin lunch
feel like makin.......feel like makin lunch with you

baby If I think about you I think about lunch
darling If I live without I live without lunch
if I, I had a fork and spoon and they were shining
I would give you both night and day lunch satisfying

feel like makin ......feel like makin lunch, feel like makin lunch
feel like makin.......feel like makin lunch with you

instrumental
if I had those golden grahams of my yesterday
I would wrap you In the bacon but they lay frying on the way

feel like makin ......feel like makin lunch, feel like makin lunch
feel like makin.......feel like makin lunch with you

feel like makin lunch with you .......you feel like makin lunch

[BSunday]

LMAO! Awesome! Just Awesome !!!

[sully777]

Re: Phil Collins

I would say Phil's music is total crap (old SNL skit awarded him Most Meaningless Songwriter Award) but he wrote "It's No Fun Being An Illegal Alien" which frees him from Streisand's level of BAD. One of the funniest songs ever. I think people should flood 80's stations with request because IT IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT to play the song. Anything to tweek the PC police!

[BSunday]

Lost In Lunch by Restaurant Supply

I realize the best part of lunch
is the thinnest slice
of tomatoes (a bunch)
but I'm not getting up
I believe there's still much to be eaten

So lift your fork for spaghetti from a can
Reach for a menu and I'll show you the plan
I figured it out
What we need is some nice fresh cannoli

You know can't fool me
I've been a customer too long
It started with light fare
But I want to order on (order on)

Chorus:

Lost in lunch and I don't know much
Ordering aloud, I fell outa touch
But I'm back in my seat
And eager to go to the hot bar.

[Guvmint_Cheese]

He also wrote that song about homelessness, "Another Day in Paradise," and a couple years later, called the cops to kick a bunch of homeless folks off some property he and his Genesis cohorts owned. Priceless, I tell ya...

[RightWingAtheist]

I'm telling you, that organ on "96 Tears" has me crawling the ceiling!

Then again, I like "Bad Bad Leroy Brown." Maybe I am a little nuts.

[MJM59]

"Take a walk on the wild side" - Lou Reed; make me want to stick pencils in my ears