James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[philo]

Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey

[eleni121]

So many awful tunes and so little time..."Disco Duck" comes to mind.

[Hand em their arse]

Oh come on, the fact of it being the first video ever shown on MTV should give it a little boost, no? LOL!

[eternity]

That's when Paul and Linda were in love.

[Psycho_Bunny]

The worst song ever?

Ever?

It's no contest:  "Chopsticks"

Any person who plays Chopsticks should be taken out and publicly beaten, regardless of age:  older people should know better, and younger people need to be taught a lesson.

 

The thread is now over and I declare myself the winner.

[FreedomCalls]

Anything by Yoko Ono.

[Lijahsbubbe]

How about the one about cannabalism - "Timothy, Timothy, Where On Earth Did You Go"...

[blowfish]

With all due respect, 'Muskrat Love' is a great song.

...perhaps, employing a hitherto unknown definition of the word 'great'.

[Atlas Sneezed]

These lists tend to confuse overplayed mediocre songs with bad songs.

[KarlInOhio]

Bon Jovi - "Living on a Prayer".

Each playing only sucks a little bit, but the summer it came out it was played so often it added up to the Worst Song Ever.

[Celtic Conservative]

feelings,who whoa whoa FEELINGS!, I wish i'd never met you girl.......

ARRRRGHHHH!

This has got to be in the top ten,

CC

[Hand em their arse]

Well, if we really want to go that direction, Jimmy Cracked Corn may top ALL lists, let's see:

Jimmy.... cracked.... corn..... and uh, I don't care....

What the hell kind of attitude is that?

[nuconvert]

Yup....that's what I said.#11 . LOL

[eternity]

"Hungry as hell and no food to eat..."

[Libloather]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever...

Over the (very few) years I've been listening to music, I've owned albums - yeah, yeah, something that requires a needle - that end up having classic tunes. But there are always a few songs on each disc that kinda suck. I don't even place them on this list.

I'm wondering why Yoko Ono doesn't OWN the top ten. Not just a few - ALL TEN!

[Libloather]

Thank yew...

[Bug]

Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird

[Hand em their arse]

You're only limiting it to the ten???

[shelterguy]

Any song by Paul Simon. Also, Hotel California by the Eagles has forced me to switch channels immediately for years. Must be some sort of deep psycological problem associated with it.

[weegee]

...another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

Jefferson Airplane, a band who's 2 biggest hits were covers (Somebody To Love and White Rabbit were Great Society songs, one of which was written by Grace Slick).