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James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin
The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^
| April 25, 2004
| James Lileks
Posted on 04/24/2004 3:46:43 PM PDT by quidnunc
It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!
You know, BLENDER?
So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.
Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.
Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)
But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:
1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: badmusic; badsongs; blender; music; ohnonotagain; popculture; redstartribune; rockandorroll; rockandroll; rockmusic; schlockanddroll; waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa; worstoflists
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To: Miss Marple
that does not ring a bell.
there IS a god!
361
posted on
04/24/2004 8:51:14 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(poets and philosophers should NEVER pretend to Engineering... especially SOCIAL Engineering!)
To: Euro-American Scum
Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying how much you love me
Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying what you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, your face is glowing
I can see it in your eyes
I'm happy in knowin'
That you're having my baby
You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to you
Having my baby
You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' thru you
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Oh, the seed inside you baby
Do you feel it growin'
Are you happy knowin'
That you're having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me")
Having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' thru me")
Didn't have to keep it
Couldn't put you thru it
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn't do it
No you wouldn't do it
And you're having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me")
Having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' thru me")
Having my baby
(c) Copyright 1974 by Spanka Music Corportion.
Though the title "Torn Between Two Lovers" evokes vivid images "Havin' My Baby" has it all; stupid lyrics, lousy tune and sung badly.
It was my Fraternity joke song.
362
posted on
04/24/2004 8:51:19 PM PDT
by
Mike Darancette
(General - Alien Army of the Right (AAOTR))
To: weegee
THAT'S THE GUY!
363
posted on
04/24/2004 8:51:55 PM PDT
by
LibKill
(Yep, we are cowboys. WYATT EARP cowboys.)
To: King Prout
You don't remember THAT song by Tony Orlando? LOL!
I hated "Knock Three Times" even more than "Tie a Yellow Ribbon!"
To: Tribune7
Hmmm...I don't see "Undercover Angel" by Alan O'Day or "Hooked on a Feeling" by Blue Swede (oogah-chagah, oogah-chaga!) anywhere...
365
posted on
04/24/2004 8:52:29 PM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: King Prout
"Knock Three Times" Tony Orlando & Dawn :)
366
posted on
04/24/2004 8:52:58 PM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: Mike Darancette
wow... that's pretty-average putrid
367
posted on
04/24/2004 8:53:12 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(poets and philosophers should NEVER pretend to Engineering... especially SOCIAL Engineering!)
To: DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet
Spinning Wheels - blood sweat & tears...
played to death one summer to the point I think it was the only thing they played ..... and on every station
368
posted on
04/24/2004 8:53:22 PM PDT
by
Optimist
(I think I'm beginning to see a pattern here.)
To: King Prout
Well, Rolling Stone did review the Barney album (gave it one measly star), so I guess he's game.
To: Clemenza
Anything by Celine Dion! The boy bands also piss me off but good.
370
posted on
04/24/2004 8:54:36 PM PDT
by
NYC GOP Chick
("If I could shoot like that, I would still be in the NBA" -- Bill Clinton, circa 1995)
To: quidnunc
My favorite bad song is "Merry Go Round" by Wildman Fisher.
371
posted on
04/24/2004 8:54:51 PM PDT
by
Lawgvr1955
(I am thankful for government waste. Just think if we got all the government we paid for.)
To: Miss Marple; TheBigB
NOW I do.
*thump*
I need a much larger plank...
*TUNK!*
...behhhhhtahhhh...
372
posted on
04/24/2004 8:55:18 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(poets and philosophers should NEVER pretend to Engineering... especially SOCIAL Engineering!)
To: quidnunc
Melanie: Brand New Key
Imagine: John Lennon
anything Ozzie
Any Bob Dylan remake [just not the same]
To: RightWingAtheist
Actually most of this discussion is probably "off topic" for "Worst Rock Song" but then "Sounds Of Silence" isn't a rock song either but Blender still put it on their list.
374
posted on
04/24/2004 8:55:52 PM PDT
by
weegee
(Maybe Urban Outfitters should sell t-shirts that say "Voting Democrat is for Old Dead People.")
To: TheBigB
Undercover Angel was pretty bad. That belongs on the list.
Driver's Seat was another baaad tune, I just remembered.
375
posted on
04/24/2004 8:56:03 PM PDT
by
Tribune7
(Vote Toomey April 27)
To: RightWingAtheist
then it's in, and so is the counting song.
I actually don't know the real Barney run... just the "death to barney" version ;)
376
posted on
04/24/2004 8:56:42 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(poets and philosophers should NEVER pretend to Engineering... especially SOCIAL Engineering!)
To: Optimist
I used to sublet a bedroom in my apartment to a girl who played John Denver every day. I finally moved out of my own apartment, just to get away.
"Rocky Mountain High" is my nomination.
377
posted on
04/24/2004 8:57:24 PM PDT
by
CobaltBlue
(I think I lost my mind that summer, never to return.)
To: Tribune7
See, I liked UA...got in on CD along with my "Best(?) of the 70s" stuff..."Saturday Night" (Bay City Rollers) and "Welcome Back" (John Sebastian)
378
posted on
04/24/2004 8:58:07 PM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: Mike Darancette
Legalizing abortion at any time for any reason may have contributed to
"Havin' My Baby"
being a song of ridicule.
379
posted on
04/24/2004 8:59:00 PM PDT
by
nmh
(Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
To: Hand em their arse
I was burnt on that song way before clingon started using it. But, you're right, it produces some really awful visuals.
380
posted on
04/24/2004 9:00:17 PM PDT
by
scan58
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