James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[Jeff Gannon]

"Seasons in the Sun" I wanna barf just thinking of it!

[weegee]

Ever see this movie?

"CHOPSTICKS! CHOPSTICKS! CHOPSTICKS!"

[WorkingClassFilth]

By the Supremes? You are a sick, sick man.

[small voice in the wilderness]

ooops! :( Do you regret buying it? (just kidding!)

[JmyBryan]

Just to fill you in (because I once was baffled by the song).

The master or Elmer has died, and one of the slaves, Jimmie, is cracking corn whiskey to get drunk. The slave, who took care of the master, brushing away the Blue Tail Fly, doesn't care that Jimmie is getting drunk.

An admirable Libertarian.

[Tax-chick]

I love "Eres Tu" (the Freddy Fender version :-)

[SoCal Pubbie]

I liked the Mighty Quinn, at least Manfed Mann's version. Dylan's takes blew major chunks. Of course I was a kid then so..

Anyway, I think it was the drum riff I liked. You know-


Come all without, (booboo boom)
come all within, (booboo boom)
You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn!

Anybody mention Eve of Destruction?

[Hand em their arse]

I can honestly say that I never thought I'd have gotten an explanation to that post. Thank you...I think.......

[EGPWS]

Think I might be on to something?

Sorry for the belated ping!

In my case, "Midnight At The Oasis" is associated with a blonde name Dawn, Yankton South Dakota, circa 1974, whereas that awful "Love Will Keep Us Together" song reminds me of Jimmy Carter.

Yankton?

Is there something that I have missed in Yankton when visiting the fine town that perhaps you could enlighten me with what I may have allowed myself to overlook?

As far as so called music goes, perhaps anything by Frank Zappa could at least rate as being in the running, however one of my personal "cringes" is the theme song to "My Mother the Car"!

Puddles of Mudd and their sole rendition of "She F***in' Hates Me" is on my list also!

[King Prout]

oooooookayyyyyy

that's pretty bad.

[King Prout]

I like MY lyrics better, but thanks for clearing up an enduring mystery ;)

[weegee]

How about The Mighty Quinn?!

Think that's bad? You might want to avoid hearing the song in German by the original artist.

It was quite common in the 1960s for English hits to be recorded for the German market by the original performers.

The first disc of this series by Bear Family includes cuts by Johnny Cash, The Beach Boys, Motown singers, and more (including The Mighty Quinn).

[ishabibble]

Guess again, sir!

The Horse with No Name - America

I actually feel physical pain when I hear it...

[King Prout]

belated ping
fun thread

[daler]

Anything by Joan Baez makes my worst-list.

Want to grate your teeth?

Hum a few bars of "The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down."

[King Prout]

'cause I been to the devil at a bourse with no game
it feels good to grill out on the range
Ben'gesserit, they don't remember your name
cuz if ya ain't the Mahdi ya can't take enough pain
la-laaaaa-laaa-lalalala
la-laaaaa-laaa-la

[Physicist]

This link from reply #109 deserves a general ping.

[BOOTSTICK]

Actually the worse song of all time is "Henry the Eighth", by Ron and Jeremy.

[Hardastarboard]

I would respectfully add, "Anything by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show".

[shelterguy]

I just had a bad flashback. John Travoltas album from the 70's