Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

I (along with most of the men here) am Retrosexual and proud of it.
Woody's Taxidermy ^ | 4-11-04 | Cutbait Robin

Posted on 04/11/2004 12:05:58 PM PDT by Engine82

I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" The censor took care of this 'un...

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

Pass it on...............


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: beingarealman; guns; hunting; males; men; retrosexual
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 81-100101-120121-140 ... 321-327 next last
To: Jim Noble
what car?
101 posted on 04/11/2004 4:26:30 PM PDT by justanotherday (mis spellers of the world: untie!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: FreeHueco
It's really amazing to me the strange looks that I get when I hold open the door for a lady. They just don't expect it. What happened to the men out there?

As a lady, I thank you and every other man who has ever held a door for me. I expect it from my son and my Hubby, but that's as far as the expectation goes.

When another man actually does it, I thank graciously and smile - it means a great deal!

102 posted on 04/11/2004 4:27:46 PM PDT by WIladyconservative (Proud monthly donor - ARE YOU???)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 97 | View Replies]

To: cork; SVTCobra03
You men are backing up the point from different directions. I can drive 150 all day long (well, until the bears spike strip my tires)... cork can climb a wall with that CJ, and SVT can rip the 1/4 in under 11...

Just goes to show you, if more horsepower is better, too much is just right! Tell me that ain't retro.

BTW, SVTCobra03, your tagline says it all.
103 posted on 04/11/2004 4:30:37 PM PDT by glock rocks (Please pray for our men and women in harms way - and the families awaiting their return)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 94 | View Replies]

To: B4Ranch
Never wear coveralls in the summer...strickly chinks over Wranglers...and my Whites lace-up packers with heal counters for my hand-made spurs with jingle bobs.

In Nevada, the home of retro-retrosexuals, used to wear spurs in the local bars in Austin...heck, occasionally someone would ride a horse through the bar...one turn around the pool table and out the door. Paradise Valley was famous for this event as well. Yikes, those were the days.
104 posted on 04/11/2004 4:31:47 PM PDT by Cuttnhorse
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 93 | View Replies]

To: SVTCobra03
Absolute®ly. Between 120 and 160, they're all just digits.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

105 posted on 04/11/2004 4:34:06 PM PDT by johnny7 (“Virginians we will stay... who will come with me?!” -Louis A. Armistead)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 96 | View Replies]

To: Engine82
I used to be a Getmo'sexual -- before I got ol'.
106 posted on 04/11/2004 4:34:58 PM PDT by Ed_in_NJ
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
I don't give women free food and drinks simply because they agreed to spend time with me. As for opening doors and giving up my seat? Hey, I'm all for equality, women can take care of themselves.

Believe me, with your attitude any time a woman would spend with you is worth far more than the food and drinks.

Sure, women CAN take care of themselves. The point is, if there is a real man around, they shouldn't HAVE to.

107 posted on 04/11/2004 4:38:13 PM PDT by LexBaird (Tyrannosaurus Lex, unapologetic carnivore)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 59 | View Replies]

To: speekinout
A Retrosexual is not the one who decided that Beauty Parlors should be Unisex in the first place.</p?

Several years ago, when I was a visiting professor in Istanbul, I had been "in-country" for six weeks and really needed a haircut. None of the other faculty lived near the University, so they couldn't give me a steer to a good barber shop. I went out one day looking for one. I just walked around and looked at several. I came to a shop that advertised pedicures. I decided that one wasn't for me. I finally found one that looked just like my Dad's old shop. He would have felt at home in it, and I got a good haircut, among male barbers and male customers.

108 posted on 04/11/2004 4:40:23 PM PDT by JoeFromSidney (My book is out. Read excerpts at http://www.thejusticecooperative.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 60 | View Replies]

To: sweetliberty
I don't know when this faggy men thing started; it must be recent. I live in SoCal and don't know anyone into that thing. I don't know any women who like that sort of thing in men either. Women want men to be themselves; it's more fun that way:)

I think I have an exception. I know a PhD who says he's a liberal. Likely too much time in college? But he certainly doesn't BEHAVE like one. After watching him a few years, I think it's his hook. He seems sleepy on Mondays:):)

I propose the media elites want men to think they should act faggy to make women comfortable. Women NEVER want to be comfortable on a date! They want a challenge and excitement!

109 posted on 04/11/2004 4:40:54 PM PDT by BobS
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 87 | View Replies]

To: Gerasimov
not necessarily in that order huh??? lol
110 posted on 04/11/2004 4:48:47 PM PDT by cajun-jack
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: WIladyconservative
As a lady, I thank you and every other man who has ever held a door for me. I expect it from my son and my Hubby, but that's as far as the expectation goes.

I once met a woman I was attracted to. On our first date she started to get into the passenger side of the car by herself. I told her, you're not giving me a chance to be a gentleman. After that she always let me open doors for her. I think it shocked her the first time.

111 posted on 04/11/2004 4:49:49 PM PDT by JoeFromSidney (My book is out. Read excerpts at http://www.thejusticecooperative.com)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 102 | View Replies]

To: jigsaw
my mom would have said "unless you want two broken legs, you stand up" lol
112 posted on 04/11/2004 4:53:52 PM PDT by cajun-jack
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Arthalion
now that's a car!!!! and the other guy's hood ornament would be inside it in the passenger seat in a heartbeat!!!

(and soon after, the backseat)
113 posted on 04/11/2004 4:58:27 PM PDT by cajun-jack
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: Freebird Forever; Engine82; Fintan
One issue though. The only pet a man can cry over is the death of death his dog.

I'm willing to give a man a pass if he sheds a tear or two over the loss of a good horse.

Of course, Penthouse Pets are also not excluded...

114 posted on 04/11/2004 4:59:41 PM PDT by par4
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 75 | View Replies]

To: Cuttnhorse
My picture isn't on the wall. None of the horses I've ever owned would even get close to jukebox. Waaaay too much noise!
115 posted on 04/11/2004 5:01:41 PM PDT by B4Ranch (“WE OFTEN GIVE OUR ENEMIES THE MEANS FOR OUR OWN DESTRUCTION.”)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 104 | View Replies]

To: LexBaird
You don't know anything about me twinkle toes. Plenty of women spend time with me. Have a nice day.
116 posted on 04/11/2004 5:04:33 PM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 107 | View Replies]

To: sweetliberty
Most women that I've ever seen in my entire life have no clue what "liberal" or "conservative" even means. It's a moot point.
117 posted on 04/11/2004 5:06:00 PM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 87 | View Replies]

To: B4Ranch
rediculed ????? Is that an O-1 or O-2 word?

Yeah, I noticed I had it misspelled about three seconds after I hit the Post button. haha

118 posted on 04/11/2004 5:07:22 PM PDT by IDontLikeToPayTaxes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 71 | View Replies]

To: IDontLikeToPayTaxes
"Most women that I've ever seen in my entire life have no clue what "liberal" or "conservative" even means. It's a moot point."

Okay; so you like clueless women...which I think makes my point.

119 posted on 04/11/2004 5:07:58 PM PDT by sweetliberty ("Better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 117 | View Replies]

To: Jagdgewehr
when I give up my seat to a woman on the trolley (San Diego), other men look at me like I'm from outer space. Come to think of it, the women on the trolley look at me like I'm from outer space

When they give you THE LOOK, you need to say "I can't help it, I'm RETROMAN" LOL

120 posted on 04/11/2004 5:08:01 PM PDT by SnarlinCubBear (...all your .jpg's are belong to me.....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 52 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 81-100101-120121-140 ... 321-327 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson