Look at the presidential election: John Kerry has rightly asked, “Do you know who I am?” How can we when he doesn’t have a yucking clue? Campaign finance reform further complicated the matter since there will be crucial times when the voters won’t be able to keep the candidate informed about who he is. This is complicated even more because to speak freely, groups must assume a false identity.
And yet, people in tune with themselves eventually come to the realization that their lives are utter mysteries. Looking at it this way, Mr. Kerry is really in tune with the times. He is the candidate that most resembles Leonard Zelig, the chameleon man played by Woody Allen in the historical documentary Zelig. He even said publicly something about becoming the second black president.
With Mr. Kerry’s confusion as to who he actually is, the fear is that he may become so confused that he will take the lead of those seven-year-olds in California who think its neat to be a girl instead of a boy, or vice versa. Imagine the dilemma this presents for the Democratic Party—Hillary will flat out be out-raged—if Mr. Kerry announces in October that he will become a transgender. Or worse, a different species—a pumpkin, for example, a Canadian rutabaga, a Smurf, Barney, or a friend to Michael Jackson.
I’m waiting for the scientists to takeover and begin to muck with the human genetic code to create a new person with attributes of owls, yucca trees, Smurfs, bugs living under a sheet of plywood, and pumpkins and everyone can proclaim: Finally, a people that Mr. Kerry can represent without Zelig-ing into something he’s not.
In fact, the way things are going, I'm beginning to think I can spend my summer fishing since Mr. Kerry sticks his foot up his pompous arse every time he opens his mouth. Who needs ads when the other candidate says something as absurd as: I actually voted for the bill before I voted against it?
Quit whining, quite scaring conservative donors, quit having party officials discourage conservatives from giving to conservative groups other than the party and Bush-Cheney, get our groups going, and beat the Democrats.