[saquin]

No jokes please.

[The South Texan]

Train them to what? Surrender?

[Keith in Iowa]

No jokes? You mean I can't say "at least the French could teach them how to surrender really fast"?

[cripplecreek]

Your kidding right?

[SAMWolf]

<===Mash This

french Army to Market "Ultimate Surrender" Video Game

Paris - Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army’s "Boot Camp" video game, the General Staff of the french Army has announced plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls.

In the game we follow the exploits of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he joins the french Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training.

The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or crème brulé.

The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see which player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot or getting his uniform dirty.

Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre perform sexual favors for members of the occupying forces.

Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing Your Sorry french Ass Once Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the defeated french.

The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance." Here contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges.

Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with french teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced france’s lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n’est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the french Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we french have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents."

When questioned about comments made in the french Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the french Army look like a bunch of gutless mama’s boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up."

[Indie]

Would their uniforms be yellow? Or perhaps fuscia.

[thinktwice]

"We could only envisage intervening at the request of such a government and in a framework of the United Nations," the defence minister was quoted as saying.

Why is it that the French approach this as though it were a work of art, requiring a "framework," for instance?

There will be bullets flying in Iraq for some time, bullets fired by Saddam's bad guys.

But then, those Saddam supporters were friends of France.

[jonboy]

The Iraqi's are pros at surrender. Even the French don't anything on them. Hey, did you here about the new French Army Knife? It has a built in compass for hasty retreat, a comb, a butter knife, a cork screw, and a handy built in surrender flag.

[Cicero]

I think the operative word is "may." If they're asked. Which is unlikely.

[ambrose]

[PattonReincarnated]

>> No jokes please.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. No one knows, it's never been done before.

I couldn't think of a better country to do the training. BUT, and a big but, should we be thinking about what type of equipment that Iraq buys for its military and who they buy it from. I'm still pissed at the French and they certainly shouldn't be on the gravy train when it comes to contracts. However, I do like the idea of a half-rate military teaching Iraq to be a half-rate military. The Soviets certainly did that job well, but I'm not keen on Russia being the country to train the Iraqi military - since Iraq would buy Russian hardware. Perhaps a good way to handle this would be to lets the Russians and French to the training, but the contracts for arms go through the US. We could start by selling the Iraqis the artillery pieces and Sherman tanks that sit in front of the VFW’s across America. Let’s see, a Sherman tank costs about $50,000,000 today, doesn’t it?

[Jeff Gordon]

No jokes please.

Well, since you said "please" ...

[Ben Chad]

LOL - best line of the day.

[arasina]

France may train the new Iraq army? When pigs fly! They can't even get THAT right.

[Psycho_Bunny]

In joke terms, this article is what may be referred to as a "Target Rich Environment".

You almost don't even know where to start....

[Diva Betsy Ross]

You don't mind do you?

[PokeyJoe]

I'm sorry - but this IS a joke.

[stylin_geek]

No jokes? This article is the equivalent of throwing red meat in front of hungry lions...and then asking them not to eat.

[NovemberCharlie]

That's one way to make sure Iraq is never a threat to its neighbors again.

[cat lover too]

"No jokes please."

I thought France trained the old Iraq army very well.

[NYTexan]

The French drill instructor are going to get the $hit beat out of themselves!