Wife tested positive for...Baby

Christmas Day | 1/09/2004 | Flightdeck

[Flightdeck]

I know this is somewhat presumptuous that anybody would care, but I found out today that I will be a new father in about 8.75 months. Part of me is scared because I firmly believe that raising a child into a good person is probably the most important thing a person can do in their lives. The only reason I am posting this is that I bet this value is shared by a great many people in this forum, and our anonymity allows a comfortable level of discourse. (Wait, that's two reasons.) Anyway, wish us luck.

[HelgaHawk]

Oh...congratulations!! Just chill....it will probably be another ten years before you can relax, but it's well worth it. When I told my hubby we were having TWINS he almost crapped his pants. LOL! Now they are 11 years old. Just remember, you will get back all the good you put into them.

[teeman8r]

congrats on the baby... empty the diaper pale twice daily, those self sealing diaper bags still stink after a couple of hours... just do it... thinking about it makes me gag...aaack... oh and treat your kid as the precious gift he is, for it'll make you look at life all new again... oh and talk to him correctly, everyone else will goo goo and ga ga, give him something to base reality on...

you'll never know if you raise them right... only their kids will know...

best of luck

teeman

[Eva]

Seriously, the only piece of advice I can give you is to be a parent to your child, not their 'friend'.

You got that right, but I might ad not to try to relive your life through the kid's, let him be who he is. This truly is the single most important job that most of us ever do in our lives.

[cspackler]

Congrats... And trust me, if you're one of those guys who are really secretly hoping to have a boy, (you know that you are...) don't worry. If you end up with a little girl, it just won't matter to you about .5 seconds after you see her. My daughter is now 4.5, and I can't even imagine having a boy. You can believe all of the sappy things you are reading on this thread, and please don't be one of those "uninvolved" fathers, I know a lot of guys with kids the age of my daughter, and they just won't do the silly things that make it all the more fun. just let it go and have fun. I'm taking my daughter to a Father/Daughter sweetheart dance for Valentines day. Most people think it's silly, but I can't wait to see the look on her face when we get all dressed up and go out on our latest "date". It's (almost) all good!

[big_Rob]

The no sleep thing has opportunities for improvement. My wife and I had a 2AM turnover. I got all crying babies until 2AM, she took over till morning. Let me get 4 or 5 hours of sleep before work, and she always goes to sleep early. Sometimes I did too, which is why we had three kids.(wink) She was also a stay at home mom, which I believe is a INCREDIBLY VALUABLE thing to do, if you can. Giving up a little money to raise better children is always worth it.

Good luck and God bless.

[RobbyS]

Congratulations. Do it at least several more times. People will tell you that two is the perfect number. No number is perfect. The kids will never be perfect. But then neither will be any car you buy, and house you build. Just enjoy the confusion.

[AnAmericanMother]

Dr. Denmark was still living at age 105 last year. She retired from practice the year before at age 104.

I have not seen her obituary locally, and I'm pretty sure I would have heard. She is an amazing lady!

[AnAmericanMother]

Congratulations! You're gonna love it!

We found the sleep difficulties were much reduced by breast-feeding. For the first six months, I kept my little one in a bassinet right by my side of the bed; when she fussed in the night, I would simply pick her up, nurse her on one side, change her diaper, nurse her on the other, and pop her back in the bassinet. I got so I could do this quite efficiently without really waking up.

Now, all you have to do is convince your bride that this is the way to go. (No sterilizing equipment, no mixing formula, no going out at 2 a.m. because you're out of formula, plus all the benefits of antibodies and perfect nutrition . . . you get the idea! :-D )

[Zack Nguyen]

Well God bless you. Consider Deuteronomy 6./

[dawn53]

That's amazing. Thanks for letting me know.

About 13 years ago when we were in Atlanta visiting friends, my son became ill. Our friend, who lived in south Atlanta, suggested we go to Dr. Denmark, who was her pediatrician. (I had read her book when my son was first born).

So off we went to Dr. Denmark's office. What an experience. An hour appointment, a wealth of information and suggestions, and a $10 charge.

[Dr. Eckleburg]

Congratulations.

It will be one of the rare events in life that is beyond your ability to quantify. It's a newness that you never dreamed existed before. Everything else will recede and you'll understand life for the very first time.

Pretty cool, eh?

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

buy all the Dr. James Dobson books you can afford. Read them and study them carefully and APPLY his principles.

Be a patient, loving, FIRM, communicative parent. And remember, the first 5-7 years will establish your authority over your children for the rest of their lives.

I once showed a Dobson book to my sister-in-law and she said, "Does it work?"
I replied, "No--you do."

Dobson's advice reminded me of the Dale Carnegie advice, which I commend to your attention. "Don't criticize, condemn, or complain."

The alternative to that is, "Give honest, sincere appreciation." Which implies looking for things done right, and talking about that. In other words, aggressively anticipating problems and heading them off.

IOW, leadership. What is more natural a description of being a parent?
And paternal leadership of the family as a whole implies anticipating problems even before your wife does. Which, I might add, is easier said than done in the context of things like the logistics of vacations etc.

If you haven't had leadership training or the Dale Carnegie course, I recommend the latter (having no experience of the former).

[<1/1,000,000th%]

Good luck!

[I'm ALL Right!]

Congrats, daddy! Here is some advice from a mother of 3...take it or leave it. I hope it's helpful.

1. Pregnancy is a hugely emotional time for women, not ONLY because of hormonal issues. She will feel a bit like she has no control over what is happening to her inside or outside of her body. She will be confused or concerned about every new, strange ache or pain, or stretching feeling, or cramp...she'll need your understanding.

2. Self image is a big issue during and after pregnancy. Be supportive, complimentary would even be better.

3. You can get GREAT barely used maternity wear if you SEARCH for it at consignment shops. You want her to feel good about herself...and having 3 outfits to wear and wash for 3-4 months doesn't help accomplish that. You can get more and save money this way, if you so choose. My husband and I shopped for some new and some used clothes for each pregnancy. Much less expensive than buying a whole new wardrobe.

4. Always remember the changes in her body are a direct result of, well, you. Also, they should be considered beauty marks that remind that you she gave you the most amazing gift any other human being can give you...a child.

5. And finally, diapers are diapers. In the past 9 years I have found that most diapers are just fine, and I don't need to pay premium prices for something that will simply serve as a disposable toilet. THE ONLY EXCEPTION is if you want to get one of the special "overnight" diapers just for night time. It will save money to use the cheapo ones during the day and the "nighttime" ones (which ARE more absorbant) at night. Hopefully your baby sleeps well enough to need a diaper that lasts for a good long time!!!

I am fortunate enough to have a husband who was great with all of this. You sound like you'll be a terrific dad.

Good luck.

[e5man_r_u?]

Congratulations!
The only advice I can give is be consistant in boudaries. I know that will not come into play for a while, but it has helped me and my wife.
You and your wife will be in our prayers.

[MaryFromMichigan]

Prepare yourself- everybody is gonna give you advise on how to raise your kids!
That said, here's mine:

When you speak with your children, use the same manners and concern you use when you speak to a friend.
(I am often appalled and saddened at way some parents speak to their children.)
Teach your children to be kind to living things.
Hug your teenagers.
Let kids learn the value of a dollar by hard work.
Don't tolerate rudeness in a child.
Don't be quick to bail kids out of troubles of their own making.
Teach your children when in doubt, do the kindest thing.

And one more thing- someone once said that the best thing a Dad can do for his children is to love their Mother.

All the above works well for us.

Good Luck and congratulations!

[Toespi]

I firmly believe that raising a child into a good person is probably the most important thing a person can do in their lives

This alone will make you a wonderful parent! Congratulations!

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

On that topic: My mom is widowed, and my brother who lives nearby is divorced. My nephew (who was adopted from Bulgaria and still faces a lot of challenges with our language/customs) recently suggested at the dinner table that if "grandma" was lonely, maybe she should just marry my brother. He also suggested that I should marry my dog.

He's not quite catching on to that marriage thing yet. Of course, in ten years, all this might be possible in Vermont. : )