Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

[JohnHuang2]

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

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Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

• Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs

• Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them

• Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them

• Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so

• Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men

What are husbands' most important needs?

• He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting

• He wants to feel she needs and admires him

• He wants to know she desires him

• Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.

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[rintense]

I could say so many things on the word cat (and other words for something feline) but I won't go there. Hehehe.

[rintense]

Scary how well you know me.

[chris1]

We all need a laugh, don't we???????????

[technochick99]

Well, most women like jewelry, fwiw. That's never been a big factor for me. And most women I know wouldn't be so thrilled either - of course, my friends are very practical. But anyway, it's just a commercial that bears as little resemblance to real life as all of the other things you see.

[technochick99]

Well, most women like jewelry, fwiw. That's never been a big factor for me. And most women I know wouldn't be so thrilled either - of course, my friends are very practical. But anyway, it's just a commercial that bears as little resemblance to real life as all of the other things you see.

[Woahhs]

Yeah. Call me old fashioned, but I want to know someone's mind, heart and soul (and for them to know me the same) before we share our bodies. Unfortunately, not very many men respect that anymore. Well, the ones that do are already taken. :)

You seem to have all the loose ends tied up rather nicely. How's that workin' for you?

[Lazamataz]

Scary how well you know me.

;^)

[rintense]

That's why I'm still single. ;) Still looking for something real and true, not simply convenient.

[chris1]

Its tough out there!

[dc27]

Your post is dead on. I started a calender this year to document how many times my wife will initiate sex. She initiaited only one time last year. BTW, no amount of catering will increase my odds. I help with the kids homework, bath them, clean up the house, and put the kids to bed. She is still "tired." After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.

[hellinahandcart]

"Interesting reading" ping...

[longtermmemmory]

As a cinima example with a bit of humor, look at the Mother and Father of the Bride in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Nothing works without respect for your role in amarriage and respect for the other person's role in the marrage.

I think the word manipulation is too strong. By that logic, giving a woman gold jewelry is manipulation.

[spectre]

Back to the original title...ahem.

From the day we were married, up and until now, there hasn't ever been one time, or one meal that I have served my husband that he hasn't said "Thank you, honey"..

It's the little things that count.

sw

[rintense]

Amen. It is very tough.

[Woahhs]

That's why I'm still single. ;) Still looking for something real and true, not simply convenient.

I dare say if you considered the possibility your definition of "real and true" were more subjective than you currently believe, you'd be taking a turn for the better.

It's not a perfect analogy, but I've always said a woman discussing with a man is like a man arm-wrestling with a woman. A "win" in either case is of questionable value.

[Quix]

FOLLOWING ae some books I'd recommend in the middles of these issues or at least related significantly to these issues.

I like James Dobson because I've met him and find him to be authentic if a bit . . . perfectionistic in some contexts. I think he's mellowed over time and I believe his writings are among the best on the subjects of family and marriage as well as male/female relationships.

He's at least real and candid. But, he speaks from a lot of personal experience and tons of counseling experience.

Blessings,



IN addition to

ATTACHMENT . . . by Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy

and

WHAT WIVES WISH THEIR HUSBANDS KNEW ABOUT WOMEN, others of value by James Dobson [Some seem to be available in Spanish and a few in Chinese and German] are:

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Straight Talk: What Men Need to Know, What Women Should Understand
by: James C. Dobson
July, 1991

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Love For a Lifetime : Building a Marriage that Will Go the Distance
by: Dr. James Dobson
March, 2000

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For Couples in Love
by: James Dobson
June, 2002

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Love Must Be Tough : New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
by: Dr. James Dobson
January, 2004

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Seven Promises Of A Promise Keeper
by: Jack Hayford, Gary Smalley, Charles R. Swindoll, Max Lucado, Crawford Loritts, Isaac Canales, Howard G. Hendricks, Bill Bright, James Dobson, Luis Palau
22 July, 1999

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Straight Talk To Men
by: James Dobson
06 June, 2000

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Night Light: Devotional Thoughts for Couples
by: James, Dr Dobson, Shirley Dobson, James C. Dobson
April, 1902

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Love for a Lifetime: Building a Marriage That Will Go the Distance
by: James Dr Dobson

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Romantic Love: Using Your Head in Matters of the Heart
by: James C. Dobson, Gospel Light Publications
May, 1997

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Romantic Love: How to Be Head Over Heels and Still Land on Your Feet
by: James Dobson
January, 2004

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Prayers for a Lifetime : A Couples Guide to Intimacy with God and Each Other
by: Dr. James Dobson
August, 2004

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Straight Talk to Men : Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family
by: Dr. James Dobson
January, 2004

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Marriage at Its Best
by: Dr. James Dobson
July, 1990

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Dr. James Dobson on States of a Woman's Life
by: James, Dr. Dobson, Jean Lush
February, 1994

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The Feminine Factor: The Effects of Premenstrual Tension and Hormone Imbalance
by: James Dobson
April, 1985

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Men in Mid Life Crisis
by: James Dobson
April, 1985

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How to Reconcile a Marriage/Audio Cassette
by: James C. Dobson
December, 1987

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Life On The Edge Trusting God When Life Goes Wrong
by: James Dobson
08 January, 2001

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Prescription for a Tired Homemaker
by: James Dodson, Pale, James C. Dobson
August, 1982

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THEY SHOULD all be available at his website . . . let me see if I can get the link . . .

http://family.org/

[IrishCatholic]

Loved the post. I printed it off and then tried to read it to the wife. She heard about the book and took off with her fingers in her ears saying "NAAAANAAAANAAA I can't hear you. NAAANAAAANAAA" With me chasing behind reading the excerpts. The kids just looked us like we were nuts.
I am so lucky I married my best friend.

[Quix]

Ah well . . . have had a lifelong difficulty in detecting the difference between joking and sarcasm and meant statements.

[rintense]

It isn't about winning, really. It's about finding someone who shares the same values, morals and ideals.

[Quix]

Haven't read them but know many people have been helped by them.

Thanks.