[longtermmemmory]

How about

US REFUSAL TO FUND UN LEAVES POOR NATIONS OUT OF MARS EXPLORATION

[weegee]

You forgot: WOMEN AND CHILDREN IMPACTED HARDEST

[freedumb2003]

New York Times Sunday January 4, 2004 2:12 PM EST

Howard Dean today blasted the Bush Administration for not finding humanoid life on Mars. "Clearly this expensive mission has failed to find any Democratic potential voters of any kind," said Dean.

John F. Kerry, in a prepared statement, said "This is an F'ing waste of taxpayer money that could be used to give all my F'ing black constituents money."

In a related story, Tom Daschle was deeply saddened.

[trek]

or how about

US OCCUPIES MARS WITHOUT SECURITY COUNCIL APPROVAL