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To: RogerFGay
Men ARE becoming more valuable than ever. When we're appreciated as such, and society RECOGNIZES that value, instead of punishing it, that's when I'll start dating again.

Let me tell you a little story. I went out on a limb to date a girl who already had a kid. The boy called me "dad", because I was really the only father figure he ever had. Well, she decided to split one day (I had fifteen minutes notice on this one). Now, I have no recourse to see him, despite the fact that I was effectively his father for a year and a half and loved him and cared for him like he was my own. Only later did I learn that if she had wanted to, his mother could have sought child support from me, and probably have gotten it, even though I wasn't his biological father.

I can only imagine how much worse that heartbreak could have been had the boy been my child, and I had been with him since birth. It was hard enough the way it was. That woke me up. Our society doesn't value fathers. It values monetary providers, and virtually any guy can be reduced to that at the drop of a hat, if you fall out of favor with Mommy. It certainly isn't worth the risk.

I don't wanna be a provider for kids I never get to see, so I'm doing the responsible thing and not making any. There ya go.

And I'm not walking around as if nothing changed. If I were, I'd probably have already been married and divorced by now. Believe me, I came close before I realized all of this...and I thank my lucky stars every day that it never worked out.
46 posted on 12/26/2003 6:52:39 PM PST by FLAMING DEATH (Why do I carry a .45? Because they don't make a .46!)
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To: FLAMING DEATH
Only later did I learn that if she had wanted to, his mother could have sought child support from me, and probably have gotten it, even though I wasn't his biological father.

Sounds like the same kind of idiotic laws I've heard about in Washington state, where just dating a woman with kids from another guy puts you on the hook.

For the life of me, I can't understand why men who hear about or have seen first hand the abuses going on and still think it can't happen to them. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and rare is the case where the man doesn't get reemed in the process. Picture this: someone comes up to a guy and the street and offers a wager on a coin toss. Heads, and he gets to go on with his life like nothing happened. Tails, he loses half, if not more, of everything he has worked for, a good chunk of his earnings in the future (which he must pay under threat of criminal sanction) and suffer emotional losses that no amount of money can ever replace. Most men that wouldn't punch the person offering that bet in the nose would laugh and walk away from such a sucker-bet. But every year, millions of men take that bet. Just as entertaining are the others who will mock and scoff at those who are smart enough not to gamble in that casino.

48 posted on 12/26/2003 7:13:50 PM PST by Orangedog (Remain calm...all is well! [/sarcasm])
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To: FLAMING DEATH
The media has been calling the random male role model "father" for a long time now. One of my articles mentions that every time a man abuses a child, the media labels him "father." And yes, they often do assign paternity for the purpose of ordering child support to men who are not fathers. There are a lot of guys who can't get such orders turned off even though they've proven non-paternity through DNA tests.
50 posted on 12/27/2003 2:37:19 AM PST by RogerFGay
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