Replies

I haven't. I've sometimes wondered in an academic sort of way what would be the best way to kill oneself, but I've never considered actually doing it. I've never felt so bad that I thought death was preferable. And it's not that I'm content all the time, or that nothing bad has happened in my life; far from it. It's just that I'm not so affected by life that I've ever thought death would make things better. I feel sorry for those who are genuinely overwhelmed by what life throws our way sometimes. You never know what goes on in some people's heads, even when they seem happy, or at least content.

Anxiety is my particular nemesis, which is closely linked to depression. I'm not clinical, but I have certain tendencies that run in my family. It's an almost constant struggle. You have to be conscious of the fact that you have certain vulnerabilities that other people don't have, and learn to avoid getting yourself worked up into a state.

I am probably more like you, the anxiety.

Our company just announced that they will be reducing overhead cost by almost a billion dollars annually and begin to focus on emerging markets (Latin and South American, Far East and Eastern Europe). I've already recognized that this was likely to take place and have began the process to move to a more self reliant career. There will be a transition time as the sideline becomes less an advocation and more of a vocation. I'm stuck with the perplexing thought of whether to volunteer to be cut free and have my feet held to the fire to perform on my own OR hope to be kept on and be even more tied to the job and have less chance to nurture the new vocation. That has been really weighing on me.

That's in addition to having lost a long time (27 years) job just a few years ago, having a wife of 25 years who I was hopelessly in love with say she no longer wants to be together and the subsequent termination of the marriage at the same time as the job loss, a new job, then new ownership and a remarriage. All within the past 3 years. All of the usual stress factors coliding in one short span.

"I haven't. I've sometimes wondered in an academic sort of way what would be the best way to kill oneself, but I've never considered actually doing it. I've never felt so bad that I thought death was preferable."

I work at a poison center. After I had been there a little over a year one of the old timers asked me "Have you figured out the best way to do it yet?"
I have heard just about everything, pills, pills and booze, pills and gunshots, pills and slitting, pesticides, chemicals. I know all the pitfalls and the complications.

In my professional opinion there is nothing surefire. In speaking to people who have taken pills I sometimes have to get very graphic about what will happen if they fail. This is not a pretty business. But all that said there is only one painless means of doing it if you are successful and that is carbon monoxide. If you are not successful your life going forward can be a living hell. Aside from the hypoxic injury to your brain (Terri Shiavo), you may have nerve pain for the rest of your life.