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>>How'd you kick?<<

Well...let's say I'm working on it.

One thing that helps me is to be totally transparent and open with everyone around me. Family, pastor, everyone. That way at least I know I'm not isolated.

That was a big step for me. I got tired of feeling rotten and hating myself for being a "hypocrite." I'm sure you found a great relief in NA that you weren't alone.

I never attended AA but won't rule it out. I have heard great things about AA and NA.

I have a strong faith in Jesus Christ and have had for 22 years, but that doesn't mean I can't and haven't failed. I blame this all on myself, not on any failure of the church or God.

To be candid, I am having to fall on my knees and completely surrender to God. I am a "work in progress" at the moment.

But I finally got to the age where I am now looking back on my life and thinking that want to have a little more to show for it that I have now. And I don't mean materially. Words like "honor" "integrity" "character" are really starting to slice at me.

SD

Sounds like you've worked some of the Steps without even knowing what they are. Step 1 is acknowledging you are powerless over your addiction, and that your life was unmanageable. You sound like you did that. Step 2 is acknowledging the existence of a Higher Power, and that He can restore you to sanity. You've done that. Step 3 is to turn your life and your will over to G-d. You've done that.

If you want, I can help you work the remaining steps by freepmail. I have a year clean so I'm allowed.

Well...let's say I'm working on it.

BTW, we're all always working on it. BUT I sense you are not abstinent. If alcohol is your problem you might need to re-evaluate. You are dancing wildly while walking a tightrope.

To be candid, I am having to fall on my knees and completely surrender to God. I am a "work in progress" at the moment. But I finally got to the age where I am now looking back on my life and thinking that want to have a little more to show for it that I have now. And I don't mean materially. Words like "honor" "integrity" "character" are really starting to slice at me.

Thanks for posting that. I feel the same way.