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The Army has Casualty Assistance Officers. Their job is to step in after the Casualty Notification Officer has done his job. The CAO will theoretically hold the widow's hand and guide her through the mountains paperwork and policy. The Army is well aware that two dynamics are present and could lead to an inappropriate evolution of the relationship. The bereaved may sub-consciously seek a substitute/replacement for the husband. The CAO's job has him filling almost all of the functions one would expect from the now dead husband. his causes the bereaved to attach emotionally to the CAO.

The second dynamic is one felt by the CAO. He may well confuse sympathy for the "damsel in distress" for some deeper emotion. We men have this ancient, primeval need to protect the weak. Throw in youth and attractiveness on the bereaved's part and the cocktail is ready to be mixed.

Knowing this the Army's CAO guidebook strongly cautions the CAO to know where the line is and when he's getting close.