And guess what? Felos' wife is just a wierd and demented as he is!!
check this out:
http://www.altnewtimes.com/e95cfe.html The Ultimate Release
by Constance Felos
On January 24, 1999 my father died. Although I was
present at his death and have allowed myself to go
through a grieving process, for me, the key factor in
completing my relationship with him was an act of
forgiveness made possible through the understanding
and feeling of his pain. Pain, as I refer to it here, is not
physical pain. Although feelings of disappointment,
abandonment, shame, bitterness and hate can manifest
as physical pain usually associated with disease, the
pain I speak of here is the emotional pain of early
childhood loss, abuse or rejection. It is interesting to
note that my dad died of sepsis: a poisoned state,
putrefaction, decay. This was the immediate cause of
death and the 'toxic state' was brought on by gangrene
which set in due to the adhesions that occurred from
surgery for colon cancer. The medical diagnosis is only
instructive if one considers the entire story of this
person who was in fear of death right up until the end.
When my dad was age four his father left the family,
one girl, three boys and my grandmother. In 1924, it
was not as common as it is today to have a divorce in
the family. My father was blamed for his father's
abandonment of the family. The older brothers shamed
him by pointing at him and saying, "If it weren't for you,
dad wouldn't have left us". It seems that about this
same time he got a cinder in his eye that he recalled
was not given the proper attention, causing, he
believed, severe repercussions. The only respite in
these feelings of being neglected, rejected, shamed and
abandoned occurred when my father's grandmother
married a local doctor. This man was kind and loving
and cared for the lonely little boy. Unfortunately, when
the depression came, grandfather committed suicide.
Although the little boy grew up, was educated, served
in World War II, worked, had a family and grew old,
he never forgot nor did he ever forgive. He carried his
pain without words for his entire lifetime. But, the pain
sneaked out quite often as his family repeatedly felt the
harsh hand of his despair. Verbal abuse was common
even with his subordinates at the office. A creative
writer and philosopher with an excellent singing voice,
he was also dutiful and orderly, so he became an
accountant and office manager until he retired at age
65. In his early 50's his eyes showed signs of disease.
He began searching for a cure. He campaigned for
over 30 years (and too many doctors, operations and
medications to count) to see again. But, he never
would. He blamed the family who failed to take care of
him as a child, he blamed the doctors, the drugs, and
most of all he blamed himself. He never said it, just as
he never talked about his fear and pain growing up. As
he aged, with failing eyesight, he searched for a doctor
to help him. While engaged in his fearful decline he was
becoming more bitter every day. Yet he would never
look inside himself to 'see' the pain that had never been
forgiven. Maybe he tried, we'll never know.
If one looks for the metaphysical cause of colon cancer
one finds the following mental equivalents: carrying of
past hatreds; deep, secret, long-standing resentment
eating away at the self; inability to digest and move
prior 'toxic' experiences out of the body. And the
cause of a gangrenous condition is: mental morbidity,
the drowning of joy with poisonous thoughts. So, what
really killed my father was his deep, secret resentment
and hatred, his inability to forgive, and release his
attachment to the belief that life is disappointing,
shameful and unloving. He searched and searched for
another 'grandfather' in the form of a doctor to save
him. But, it could never happen because the only way
to 'save' ourselves is to eliminate the real cause of the
problem. That process occurs within the self, not in
some outside source. No matter how long and hard we
search for something outside of ourselves to heal us,
we will always come up empty handed.
It is not necessary to endure a physical death in order
to be free of that which causes us suffering, our
attachments, our crosses. Forgiveness frees us from
attachment to the fear engendered by painful, past
experiences. The forgiveness process that I engaged in
includes anger releasing, visualization, recognition and
release of energy blocks within the body, music, sound
vibration, understanding, story telling, poetry, dance,
ceremony and removal of the mental grip on beliefs
through prayer and affirmation. As an outgrowth of my
consciously going through the process, I formatted a
workshop/course designed to release old beliefs,
situations and relationships that no longer serve. I have
discovered that when attachments are released one can
approach life and death without the fear that appears
so rampant in our culture. I hope that, through offering
this article regarding actual and personal human
suffering, each reader will recognize the importance of
releasing one's own personal attachments.
Constance Felos is a writer, lawyer, lecturer, performer,
vibrational healer, certified Louise Hay teacher and a licensed
massage therapist. She and her husband lecture
internationally on end of life planning and death and dying
issues. Dunedin, FL. (727) 736-1402
Constancefelos@hotmail.com September/October Tampa Bay NEW TIMES Main
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Keeeeyikes! That is one of the iciest letters I have ever seen. George had been get busy, start performing over his manly duties and throw away that blasted vibrator. It's the only hope of curing either of them.