It all came to me, Gargantua, as an epiphany when I contemplated your symptoms. The malady is easy to describe: The unfortunate patient, unable to deal with the substance of what he reads and bereft of factual answer for it, resorts to attacks against those whom he regards to be the author of his misery, much like the ancient Pharaohs who cut off the heads of messengers bearing bad news. Our modern Pharoah cannot, of course, physically decapitate anyone in ether-space so he becomes a mighty potentate astride his own keyboard and lashes out to assassinate the character of these cyber devils. After he has pushed the Reply button and sent his screed into cyberspace, he enjoys a rush of adrenaline and a psychotic high which, of course, is inevitably followed by a deeper low from which he cannot emerge until he finds another victim for his calumnies. The disease is progressive and up until now there has been no known cure.
My antidote for your Ad Hominem Distemper is simplicity itself: Whenever you feel an attack coming on do not resist, for that only leads to the cold sweats, rather, you should embrace it because, after all, acceptance of the disease and your powerlessness over it are the first steps in your recovery. Do not try to avoid your keyboard but eagerly reach out for it. We know that you have nothing to say about the substance of the matter, we know that you've been confused by the reality with which you have been confronted, we know how feverish and insecure you feel as a result, we know how much you feel the need to blackguard someone.
Remember, no one here in the clinic is trying to hurt you we are trying to help you. Now, as calmly as you can, get ready to return to your keyboard for your first therapy session. But before you touch the keyboard, spray it down well with antiseptic and don't forget your computer screen as that will be no doubt as befouled as your keyboard. I recommend rubber gloves.
It is clear that your disease is progressing rapidly. First you falsely accuse me and another Freeper of a fraud and now you falsely accuse me of plagiarism. This is to be expected in the downward curve of your progressive and incurable distemper. Clinically, there is no time to waste if we are to help you. After you have put on your rubber gloves and cleaned your keyboard and your computer screen, take up your keyboard and type as instructed:
TOUCHÉ
and follow the instructions as printed.
Good luck in your recovery and I hope you find comfort knowing that we are all praying for your salvation.
Your friend,
Nathan
