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STOP BY A BUMP THE FUNDRAISER THREAD
Posted on 01/30/2002 3:20:21 AM PST by davidosborne
I know this is an old one.. but one of my soldiers e-mailed it to me, and it made me chuckle, so I am passing it on..
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
(Just a friendly joke folks- I lean libertarian (small l) myself.
A FLORIDA FARMER: You have two cows. One of them looks kinds of like a cartoon character. Disney sues you into the ground for copy-write infringement. They sieze the property after the lawsuit and build a theme park based on the cows.
Marine cows - You have two cows. You have no milk production because you lift them daily to improve your strength. You live on bugs and range chickens (uncooked).
Air Force cows - You have two cows. You have no milk production because the plush, air-conditioned stalls discourage natural behavior. You eat steak instead.
Navy cows - You have two cows. You have no milk production because they only seem interested in each other. You eat some more powdered eggs.
Hold a town meeting to discuss the cow situation. 2% of the population actually attend this meeting, only 3 of whom actually own any cows. Bored elderly residents wax endlessly on how much better cows where in there day, ask why we need two cows, after all, we saved the world in 1945 and the town didn’t even have it’s own cow but shared milking rights with some cows the next town over. Crab about their taxes going for a referendum on cow ownership.
New comer from ‘away’ asks why we need any cows in town at all, can’t we just lease a cow in say Iowa and have the milking profits used to local reduce taxes. Beside, cows smell bad. Let’s turn the farm into a B&B with a nice art gallery attached, and soak the tourists.
Fire chief complains that cow flatus is a known hazard, and if the cows stay, he needs a new firehouse and several new fire trucks to combat the menace that cow emissions create.
Several local business persons ask if they can have cows too, and if the cows will be taxed. They all get up to attend rotary club supper 2/3’s of the way through the meeting.
After hours of debate, the Local Board of Selectmen decides that the existing cows can stay, but any new cows will require a special permit and hearing at a town meeting. Repeating the entire process.
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