Posted on 01/29/2002 10:45:19 AM PST by scouse
Telepathic Football Threatens Chilean Teens
VILLA SAN RAFAEL, Chile (Wireless Flash) -- Forget Bigfoot or the Mothman. The newest paranormal creature is a four-legged football.
Believe it or not, a creature matching that exact description has been sighted threatening teenagers in Villa San Rafael, Chile.
Researchers at the Calama UFO Center in Chile claim the mysterious menace has wings, a face like a large bulldog and is "shaped like a rugby football with legs."
Paranormal researcher Dr. Virgilio Sanchez-Ocejo isn't sure if the creature is one of those goat-sucking chupacabras, but admits both animals telepathically communicate with humans.
The winged football is just one of hundreds of strange creatures that have been terrorizing Chile since 1999 and Dr. Sanchez-Ocejo suspects the mysterious beings are entering Chile through a dimensional doorway.
My good wench Goody - Being a simple sailor and not well versed in the performing arts I bow to your expertise as to the title of these shenanigans. Petticoat has an innocent yet suggestive connotation and would not scare away our intended audience. The title is far better than Pinafore - which I doubt would set our lubberly louts aboard drooling at the thought.
Now Goody wench, I don't want to direct this SODS Opera, but I know that our young habs has a yen to show off his green silk nightshirt for the our maidens (?) – I know… the lad is mad, but that is what he calls our wayward bawds. Perhaps you could choreograph a dance for him before our virginal wilis as in Giselle.
Oh! Before I forget the Capt's lady, Gran, my simple wench, has set her heart on being a star. She even washed her hair and has been spitting from the stern sheets to see how far from the balcony her Romeo who have to stand and still land her spittle on his shoes. She could put on a remarkable performance of her talent you have my solemn affidavit on that.
One more thing, Westy our half blind helmsman has let me told me that would like to be the wardrobe mistress – he says he has an eye for a good fit, and with the Mr. Mertz our sail maker as his assistant the problem of the costumes would be solved.
As an afterthought keep Palo off the stage – I have arranged that she should sell delicacies to our well heeled audience. So just let her hawk her wares…from a tray around her neck during the intermission. I have also given permission for her to set up a small tent for her to conduct her fortune telling trade.
Deals have been done, promises made, money has been paid... you will remember that won't you Goody girl.?
There may be a little something for you – but we will not go into that now.
How did you know I'm blind in one eye?
....Westy...
I didn't know Westy - but the moment I made you a helmsman on my ship you had to be made totally unsuitable for the job. I do not a prime crew nor in their prime.
Except of course the dear ladies they are always in their prime.
Not the heart of an impresario habs, A pirate, a thieving, wheeling, dealing, rogue. I am sorry I put you in a nightshirt instead of PJs. but I thought it would give you a better line as you jeted thru the air.
Aye my little pigeon… you did a damn fine job of cleaning out our little nest so I let you have a dram of the finest Jamaican. Alas not for me my little kitten – I have get rid of this Canadian Club – afore my fellow Captains, villains all, espy what hard times I have fall on.
Wench Goody – your remember her – is joining our merry band of misfits as Mistress of the Revels. And has suggest that the name of our theatrical enterprise should be The Petticoats of Penzance. Whatschamattah my little cabin lass - O damn, I do remember now, your tore you petticoat when I hung you from a cleat. That was a great night – sort of like the sinking of the Titanic, a night to remember.
However, I have arranged that you shall have a spittingly good part in this tragedy. For I fear that is what it will be. But it will serve its purpose as a cover for our true intentions.
Come here little one let me wipe the baccy drool from your chin.
Sailmaker palo dear - and you will pitch your fortune telling tent above an open hatch.
Take you fee before they step inside and keep you fortune telling clobber in full view.
Yours is the most import role of all - so play it to the hilt an button up you lips.
Sailmaker palo dear - and you will pitch your fortune telling tent above an open hatch.
Take you fee before they step inside and keep you fortune telling clobber in full view.
Yours is the most import role of all - so play it to the hilt an button up you lips.
This grlfrnd interest me, perhaps we could let her pay her passage to meet her swain – if you get my drift, Oh paragon of discretion.
Henceforth, dear Palo when weighty matter and devious plans are afoot. Imitate the actions of a blonde, hold your breath, screw up your face. Let them see how dumb you can be.
Follow my instructions to the letter and it will be remembered on your evaluation .
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