Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish make up a mess.
A true Southerner can show or point you in the general direction of cattywumpus.
A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in "Going to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. No true Southerner has a problem handling his (or her) "pot likker."
True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold tater salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add some hot biscuits and a nanner puddin'.)
True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece."
True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
True Southerners never go snipe hunting twice. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
True Southerners sometimes wear long sleeves, but only if they roll 'em up past the elbows.
True Southerners are born knowing that you should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to anybody.
True Southerners have always known that the South is more American than America.
TIPS FROM SOUTHERNERS TO NORTHERNERS.....
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of bein' right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice doesn't mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cookin', let alone eatin'.
7. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
8. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitatin' a southern accent.
9. Get used to hearin', "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
10. People walk slower here.
11. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
12. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
13. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinkin' on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
16. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
17. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter if you need anything from the store, it's just something you're supposed to do.
18. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
19. As you are cursin' the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
20. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off tryin' to find it your own self.
Southern slang, [Y'allbonics]
ANY GOOD SOUTH'NER WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN PEACHES WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD BELOW!
The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools.
The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:
I about lost my coffee on this one! I worked at a grocery store as a kid, and I assure you this is 100% factual even as far North as Central Illinois...
You know your from Wisconsin when:
You might be from North Dakota if: