A priest goes into the barber shop for a haircut. When the barber was finished, the priest asked the barber how much he owed him. The barber replied, "Oh, father, I could not possibly ask for money from a man of the cloth. It's on me." The next morning, the barber arrived at his shop and found twelve loaves of bread with a thank-you note from the priest.
Later that morning, a minister came in for a haircut. The barber refused his money, too. When the barber arrived for work the next day there were twelve bottles of wine on the steps with a note from the minister.
That afternoon, a rabbi came into the shop for a haircut. When the haircut was complete, the rabbi reached for his wallet. "Oh, no rabbi," said the barber. "I cannot possibly accept payment from a holy man such as yourself." The next day the barber arrived at his shop to find twelve rabbis on his front steps.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."