Posted on 12/21/2001 11:46:28 AM PST by LiveFree2000
The moral minefield of a boy's dying wish 21dec01 But there's a problem – he's in hospital, he doesn't want to talk to his mum and dad about it, and having been sick and in and out of hospital since the age of 12, he has formed no friendships or relationships with girls from his peer group. The boy, let's call him Jack, simply wants to experience what every testosterone-driven heterosexual teenage boy thinks about, allegedly, every 17 seconds. Sex. So what does he do? It sounds like a hypothetical situation, but this story is true and Jack is real. His heartbreaking story about death and desire came to light last month when the child psychologist dealing with Jack wrote a letter to the Radio National program, Life Matters, in which moral dilemmas are discussed by academics. It's a fascinating topic for academic discussion: how does a minor and the people who care for him tread though the ethical and practical minefield to see that he gets such a wish? And firstly, should he even be granted his wish? While many of us might scream reflexively "Yes! Of course!", cautious ethicists may ask questions. Is a 15 year-old, officially a child, intellectually and emotionally competent to make such a mature decision? Do the parents have a right to know? Should the woman involved be charged with the criminal offence of having sex with a minor? Should a prostitute be involved? Should the hospital staff help to organise something? All valid questions ripe for discussion, but forget the academic debate. What happened to Jack himself? Yesterday, the child psychologist – who wishes to remain anonymous – told The Daily Telegraph the rest of the dying boy's story. He had become involved after a nurse tending Jack – the only person Jack took into his confidence – urged the boy to talk to him. So Jack spoke to the child psychologist, who specifically deals with children dying of terminal diseases, and this was not the first time the psychologist had heard of such a wish from a teenage boy. "He had been sick for quite a long period and his schooling was very disrupted, so he hadn't had many opportunities to acquire and retain friends, and his access to young women was pretty poor," said the psychologist. "But he was very interested in young women and was experiencing that surge of testosterone that teenage boys have." So Jack and the psychologist had a series of thorough discussions in which they went through every possible permutation of what might happen to him physically and emotionally so that he was "completely prepared" for the prospect of living out his final dream. Jack's state of mind, he said, was sensible and mature and psychologically, totally competent. As he said: "Terminally ill kids get very wise, very quickly" and Jack had been sick for a long time. The hospital staff who knew about Jack's wish at first wanted to help, their first reaction being "let's do a whip around and pay for a prostitute" but of course ethical and legal considerations stopped them in their tracks. The psychologist also had canvassed members of the clergy, and found an interesting response: "It really polarised them, about half said what's your problem? And the other half said [the idea] demeans women and reduces the sexual act to being just a physical one. "I just saw it as a legitimate request of a young man who wants to experience something that can do no harm." The psychologist said that with Jack, he rigorously questioned what damage might be done to him as a result of fulfilling his wish, and the answer came up every time: none. "Everyone's uncomfortable with teenage sex, period," said the psychologist. "Adolescents becoming sexual is enormously confronting, and a lot of people believe that kids shouldn't be sexual. But we are sexual from the womb to the tomb – that's my view. "But ethics and morals aside, in children dying over a long period of time, there is often a condition we call 'skin hunger'." This happens when a child, seriously ill and in and out of hospital and receiving medical treatment over a long period, yearns for non-clinical contact because "mostly when people touch them, it's to do something unpleasant, something that might hurt". "So you ask," said the psychologist, "what was this young man wanting? "Was he wanting a cuddle?" Probably yes, but as his illness and its treatment hadn't obliterated his normal teenage urges, he also really wanted that consummate experience. So without his parents knowing, and completely without the involvement of the hospital staff, and not – it must be stressed – on the hospital's premises, Jack "did engage in the act and it was everything he wished it to be". "He was very, very happy and only slightly disappointed that it was over quickly." "The act", his dying wish, was with a sex worker who was "organised by friends who thought it was the right thing to do". All precautions were taken, and the friends made sure the act was fully consensual and involved no abuse or exploitation. As for the legal ramifications of such a case, "quite clearly the law was broken, but of the people involved, most didn't give a toss," the psychologist said. And what of the parent's right to know about their son? Jack simply didn't want to talk to them about it. He loved them, but they are religious and he didn't want them to know. Anyway, what 15-year-old boy does want to talk to his parents about sex, even under normal circumstances? There is also legal precedence for a minor of sufficient maturity and intelligence to be given confidential medical treatment but does sex with a prostitute count as treatment? "Absolutely. It is absolutely part of therapy," said the psychologist, "Because it was what he wanted. People talk about a trip to Disneyland being therapeutic what's the difference? It was what he wanted." So Jack got what he wanted, and last week, he finally lost his fight with the cancer.
Is it right or wrong to grant a dying teenaged boy his wish to have sex? LUCY CLARK examines a modern ethical dilemma:
A 15 YEAR-OLD boy is terminally ill with cancer. He knows he doesn't have very long to live, and he has a dying wish. It is not to go to Disneyland or to meet his favourite actor, rock or sports star but it is this: he wants to make love to a woman.
But, understanding it and feeling sorry for him doesn't mean you should grant his request.
This is just sad for everyone involved, in every respect.
Oh?
Cite us the verses.
You are mistaken.
If he were my son or brother or friend, I would do everything possible to fulfill his wish.
If I were his father, and I found out about this, I would go to my grave thanking those who made it possible.
(You're giving yourself away here, but I already knew).
I was trying to be charitable. The original article just said the parents were religious - it didn't say what flavor. What's that one denomination that ordains practicing gays?
No dear, only the ultra-liberal- anything-goes types would say that.
Dear last wishes fairy, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to kill somebody...I'm going to die myself and this is my last wish so it's ok....right?
Give me a break!
And obviously no respect for the parents who ostensibly are responsible for this minor child.
:)
Sexual behavior must be consensual to be moral. Consent requires two things. A statement of affirmation, and a comprehension of that which is being consented to. I hold that children do not have the emotional or intellectual capacity necessary to comprehend the consequences of consent to sexual behavior. As such, children may not consent to sexual behavior.
In general, I've been content to recognize the standard measure (chronological age) of consent, knowing full well that it was imperfect. Not all people reach a mature enough state to transact their own rights by 18, and some reach this level of maturity earlier. It's hard to say what the right answer to this situation is without talking to the 15 year old. Even then it's a bit dicey... but staring death in the face makes you grow up pretty damned quick.
Thankfully no one in responsibility made me this silly offer -- even had I expressed such a wish. I don't know what I would have done as drugged up as I was for pain.
I also remember the great longing to live so that at some point I could enjoy life once again ... all of life, and the wondrous unknown to me then sex act a part of it.
It was that will -- that will to live so as to not die a virgin -- that got me through it. Through a major surgery and fortunate recovery where I went beyond critical but came back.
Sometimes it is the carrot on the stick that keeps a jackass moving, and that great desire for life kept me alive.
The Doctor knows naught what he stole from the young man, for he may have stolen the boy's thirst for life for lack of Fatherly advice, for instead slaking the very thirst that pointed in the right direction, brings down heaven to earth and makes for miracles.
I'm interested to see what the libertarian response to this is going to be. What, its okay that he did it, but if someone took pictures, its child pornography?
I didn't realize you had assumed that - I figured you were thinking, it's only one (unrepented) sin, his tab's not so high. That's why the "only stepped off the building ONCE" line came out.
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