Well, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. The next time we have a local crank threatening his neighbors with guns out here in the West, I’ll make sure the Sheriff in the local jurisdiction calls you for advice. You can charge a $5 a day consultant’s fee, you can come out here and handle the armed crackpot all by yourself. We’ll be sure to call on you the next time we are in danger. Send me your phone number and I’ll program it right into my phone, right next to 911.
I guess we should have called you when the Cortez, Colorado militia crackpots were murdering people, stealing vehicles, and ravaging the countryside a few years ago. Colorado had to call out the National Guard to try to track them down, but the next time Colorado has any trouble with outlaws and bandits, I’ll call the governor and advise him to call you in on the case. You can track them down single-handed and talk them into giving up. I can just see brave ol’ Philman walking up to the killers, one by one, and disarming them with his bare hands.