Kids in same sex marriages need help (Barf Alert)

The Detroit News ^ | 10/27/03 | Deb Price

[LiberalSlayer99]

Camille Caracappa, Eva Kadrey and their toddler, Nic, had created an idyllic life.

Eva and Nic would walk Camille to work, a nearby hospital where she was an oncology nurse. Eva and Nic would spend the day exploring Manhattan cafes and playgrounds or would head off for the New Jersey shore. Weekends meant get-togethers with Camille's large, close-knit family, or Camille and Nic would take off for their own special time of ice cream and swing-sets.

[Modernman]

Wow, that's a tough one.

Some people on here might tell you to cut off all contact with her because she's a "sexual deviant" etc. I think that would be a very callous thing to do. She is your mother and from what you're telling us, she's the only family you have. Maybe it's not a perfect situation, but all you can do is make the best of it. Sounds like you've been through a lot of turbulence, but your life may have settled down.

I would say, be the adult in this situation. Try to rebuild contacts with your mother. It looks like you're the only one who can break the ice here. Whatever you mother's faults, I think it will be worth it to take the hard steps to get some type of relationship between the two of you.

Welcome to FR, by the way.

[longtermmemmory]

Perhaps, but the damage of a lesbian relationship can and IS used to prevent a homosexual woman from getting custody of children when she comes "out". In fact it is quite normal to demand and require supervised visitation of minor children.

It should also be noted that homsexual relationships that turn violent (male and female) are really nasty in domestic violence court. They really go for blood when annoyed at each other.

[MSCASEY]

Whether or not we believe that the parents are good or evil, should the kids suffer? Are they not blameless for the conditions of their conception, birth, and upbringing?

It seems that they do not care enough to ask themselves that question. Its not about the child only them! I agree with you that says something about the kind of parent they are.

MCD

[scripter]

Lola,

I don't have the time to answer you today but I'll get back to you. For everyone else out there, please consider praying for Lola and her situation, or sending her a freepmail of encouragement. Read her profile to get a better idea from where she's coming.

Scrip

[MSCASEY]

Have you not read in the Torah that it is an abomination for man to lay with man or woman to lay with woman? How then can you leave a person to be a Godfather for your childrens spiritual welfare?

MCD

[longtermmemmory]

This is a love the sinner hate the sin situation. You have to be real clear with your mother that you believe her behavior is wrong. You have to set the ground rules that you are not going to be there so she can work you over to think her homosexuality is somehow normal. It is she who must accept you. You may have to tollerate her behavior, you in no way have to accept her homosexual behavior. She is lucky she only came out late in your life, she would certainly have lost custody and probably had supervised visitation.

There is no reason for you to have to meet her woman sex partners. Perhaps lunch once a month or so. Just to keep contact.

What do you mean by honor your mother? It is not a dishonor for an adult to tell his mother she is morally incorrect. How about honoring her by living a moral life of a good person. (remember the final scene of private ryan?)

With that said, this seems more a troll question.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

modernman has it right -- tough call. Not knowing the details, I can't really make a call in detail. I'm not sure why you weren't allowed to return home, which could affect things.....

If you want to stay in touch, I'd start slowly and avoid anything (at least for now) that would cause friction and see where it goes. If you have other family that both of you are getting along with, having them there as a buffer might be useful (if they don't mind).

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Considering I don't keep kosher, don't keep the Sabbath, and probably break several dozen other of the 613 Mitzvot, I'm not exactly great shakes either.... Nor, I suspect, would have been most people I know.

But to my wife and I, a godparent was more than a spiritual guardian, but someone who would be there when there was need. That was the main basis of our choice.

[longtermmemmory]

could have been a result of a court order. No overnight visitation if she has a homosexual live-in. Failing to complete court ordered examiniation. Not participating in family counseling. Desire of the children themselves. Age of her lover, ie under 18.

[harmony]

"Or, in real life, you could be a waiter at a gay bar with a boyfriend."

Hehehe. I was wondering how many posts it would take before someone accused modernman of being a "girly-boy", or something like it. What, one can't have less than hardline anti-homosexual views without being accused of being Queer? What a convenient way to keep dissenting conservatives in line.

[Modernman]

What, one can't have less than hardline anti-homosexual views without being accused of being Queer?

Around here? Depends. You get a wide range of views on the subject from "all homosexuals are evil monsters" to "couldn't care less what consenting adults do to each other" (I fit into the latter category, myself). There is a a sizeable group of people who resort to name-calling, but, in all fairness, I don't think concerned falls into that category.

What a convenient way to keep dissenting conservatives in line

Common tactic for both liberals and conservatives. Doesn't work on me, though :-)

[Lola Granola]

It's not a troll question, it's an honest question. I read these threads about homosexuality because it's something that affects me personally, and the general opinion seems to be that a Christian shouldn't associate with such people because they are dangerous and perverted, and that God doesn't approve. Of course I know God doesn't approve of the behavior at all, I'm just wondering if I can have a relationship with my mom without God being angry at me. I'm not asking this question to be disruptive, I'm sorry if it came out that way.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

Harmony: What a convenient way to keep dissenting conservatives in line

Modernman: Common tactic for both liberals and conservatives. Doesn't work on me, though :-)

Heck, if we were so wussy that a few mild insults kept us from expressing our disagreements, we'd be Democrats. 8>)

[Modernman]

It does seem like a legit question, IMO. Not sure why it would be considered trollish.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

I'm just wondering if I can have a relationship with my mom without God being angry at me.

It's not my religion, so correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Jesus even reach out to sinners?

[Modernman]

It's not my religion, so correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Jesus even reach out to sinners?

Jesus especially reached out to sinners. A lot of holier-than-thou FReepers conveniently forget that.

[longtermmemmory]

He also said go forth and sin no more.

Christ did uphold the principle that there is a right and a wrong.

(as for you previous question, I saw it as suspect but I gave my response first, then questioned the person. If conviced it needed a zot I would have not bothered.)

[paulklenk]

Kids shouldn't be getting married anyway.

[Lola Granola]

Well, I wasn't allowed to come home because a little while after I left, mom moved in with her current partner (they've been together about eight years now) and the partner didn't really appreciate me telling my mom that I thought the whole situation was wrong. My mom raised me to believe in Christ, although she wasn't the strictest mother on earth, and I was just so hurt by the whole thing, I couldn't understand why she was turning her back on God. She just told me that she still believed in God, but the Bible was written by men who were prejudiced against homosexuals. We argued about this for a while, and it really made her partner dislike me.
I also didn't go to their "wedding", so I guess they didn't appreciate that very much. So, since her partner owns the house they live in and everything else they have, whenever I was in trouble and called home, I was told there was no room for me. So I basically had to do whatever I could to keep from ending up homeless, and I got myself into some bad situations. I had a drinking problem for awhile, too, but thank God I was able to overcome that. My life has settled down a lot and I am doing okay, but I definitely have a lot of stuff to work on. I still have a lot of anger towards my mom. Anyway, don't mean to get too personal, just trying to explain why I wasn't allowed back home. Thanks for your input, I appreciate it.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

After cheerfully heading to work, 38-year-old Camille suffered a brain aneurysm. By nightfall, she was dead.

I don't care what sexual persuasion is practiced behind closed doors. That type of devastaion is nothing I would wish on any happy family.