And now for some REAL NEWS.
SPACE ALIENS ARE HERE FOR OUR TOOTHPASTE!
They're Light-Years Ahead of Us in Space Travel - but Not in Dental Hygiene, Say Experts
SPACE aliens are not visiting Earth to plot the conquest of our planet or use their wisdom to guide mankind. They're here for our toothpaste!
That's the controversial theory of a British dentist, Dr. Alan Prestwood, the leading expert in a new field he's dubbed "exo-odontology."
"We are thousands of years behind the extraterrestrials in space travel, but we're way ahead of them in dental hygiene," declares Dr. Prestwood.
Such discrepancies occur in many civilizations, the expert maintains.
"By the eighth century A.D., the Chinese already had gunpowder and rockets, yet for centuries to come they used chopsticks to eat because they hadn't invented the simple fork," the Manchester expert points out.
Dr. Prestwood believes the E.T.s have been stealing our toothpaste and applying "reverse-engineering" to try to create a substance that will be as effective on their own choppers.
"It's taken decades because their physiology is so different," he explains.
The exo-odontologist cites the following evidence in support of his theory:
FACT: Widespread UFO sightings in the U.S. began in the early 1950s -- soon after fluoridation of the water helped eradicate tooth decay.
FACT: Classified photos of alien remains recovered from the famous Roswell, N.M., saucer crash show the E.T.'s teeth are yellow and uneven, with several missing. "The photos also show blackened gums," says Dr. Prestwood, who has seen rare copies of the top secret autopsy report.
FACT: While embarrassing rectal probes grab a lot of media attention, far more UFO abductees report having been subjected to oral exams. "Almost 90 percent say aliens closely studied their teeth," Dr. Prestwood reveals.
FACT: When abductees are returned to Earth, a single item is often missing from their pocketbooks and suitcases: A tube of toothpaste.
FACT: Photos of teeth marks left on the arm of an RAF officer who unsuccessfully tried to capture an E.T. in 1971 show five teeth are missing.
FACT: The prevalence of UFO sightings is 20 times the norm in areas where major toothpaste makers have their manufacturing facilities.
Some fellow UFO investigators criticize Dr. Prestwood's research. One says that according to many descriptions, aliens don't have any teeth at all.
To which Dr. Prestwood replies, "That only serves to prove my point."
Published on: September 30, 2003
http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/aliens_story.cfm?instanceid=59376LOL! That is just too bizarre, even for England.