Doh! Fry mah hide!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John-Boy Walter af'er nine months, sayin' he lacked intelleckual leadership. He received a $26 million sevahance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackin' intellyjunce.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Po-lice in Oaklan', Califo'nia spent two hours attemppin' t'subdue a gunman who had barricaded hisse'f inside his home. Af'er firin' ten tear gas kinisters, officers discovahed thet th' man was stan'in' beside them in th' po-lice line, shoutin' "Please come out an' give yo'seff up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretendin' t'have a gun, kidnapped a moto'ist an' fo'ced him t'drive t'two diffrunt autymated teller machines, wharin th' kidnapper proceeded t'wifdraw money fum his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! Fry mah hide!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, an' axed fo' all th' money in th' cash drawer. Apparently, th' take was too small, so he tied up th' sto'e clerk an' wawked th' counter hisse'f fo' three hours until po-lice showed up an' grabbed him, dawgone it.
5. DID ah SAY THAT???
Po-lice in Los Angeles had fine luck wif a robbery suspeck who jest c'dn't corntrol hisse'f durin' a lineup. When deteckives axed etch man in th' lineup t'repeat th' wo'ds, "Gimme all yer money o' I'll shoot", th' man shouted, Thet's not whut ah said! Fry mah hide!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frannically into th' phone, "Mah wife is pregnant an' her corntrackshuns is only two minutes apart! Fry mah hide!" "Is this hyar her fust chile?" th' docko' axed, cuss it all t' tarnation. "No! Fry mah hide!", th' man shouted, "This hyar is her husbin! Fry mah hide!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! Fry mah hide!! Fry mah hide!
In Modesto, ! Fry mah hide! Califo'nia, Steven Richard Kin' was arrested fo' tryin' t'hold up a Bank of South Car'lina branch wifout a weapon, as enny fool kin plainly see. Kin' used a thoomb an' a finger t'simulate a gun, but unfo'tunately, he failed t'keep his han' in his pocket.
(hellllllooooooo! Fry mah hide!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in th' high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, Califo'nia, some folks, noo t' boatin', were havin' a problem, dawgone it. No matter how hard they tried, they c'dn't git their bran' noo 22 f' gwine. It was mighty sluggish in almost ev'ry maneuvah, no matter how much power was applied, cuss it all t' tarnation. Af'er about an hour of tryin' t'make it go, they putted t'a nearby marina, reckonin' someone thar c'd tell them whut was wrong, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells!
A tho'ough topside check revealed ev'rythin' in puffick wawkin' condishun.
Th' engine scooted fine, th' outdrive went up an' down, th' prop was th' co'reck size an' pitch. So, one of th' marina guys jumped in th' water t' check unnerneath, he came up chokin' on water, he was laughin' so hard, cuss it all t' tarnation.
NOW REMEMBER ...THIS IS TRUE.
Unner th' boat, still strapped securely in place, was th' trailer.
Does enny one else find it frightenin' thet th' majo'ity of these took place in Califo'nia??????