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MASSIVE GOVERNMENT COVER-UP!
MOON DOOMED!
It will explode within 6 months! 'Thousands of lunar fragments will smash into Earth'

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61696

By DICK SIEGEL

AUSTIN BRIGGS AIR FORCE BASE, Texas -- Ever since the world learned that extraterrestrials are using the moon as a garbage dump (Weekly World News, June 27), scientists and the military have been on top-secret high alert.

"We've been monitoring the lunar body for signs of instability, toxins and increased geologic activity," said General Eddie Burroughs, USAF, in charge of lunar surveillance. "Unfortunately, Project Extreme Watchfulness has found all three. Early last week we saw a garbage scow -- apparently of Martian origin -- make one final deposit in Clavius Crater and then speed away. Our Photon Emissions Watchers detected a corrosive, highly fissionable deposit on the moon -- one that will trigger a complete lunar meltdown in six months!

"For those readers who aren't scientists, this is a whole lot worse than a lunar eclipse," General Burroughs said helpfully. NASA physicist Dr. Tark Stasis agreed. "Unless we act on the PEW landfill findings, the moon is doomed," he said. "The alien waste is a deadly amalgam of U-238, plutonium and a super heavy new element we've called black monolithium. This compound has been dissolving its way to the lunar core, like hydrofluoric acid eating through a goose. Not that I've ever tried that, ya know," he added quickly. "The truth the government doesn't want people to know is this: Unless the process is halted, the moon's solid core will melt, gas will build up and the moon will pop in about six months." What does that mean for life on Earth?

"Well," Dr. Stasis said, "apart from messing up the tides big-time and ending moonlight make-out sessions, thousands of lunar fragments the size of sanitation trucks will smash into Earth. Think of what just one giant meteor did to the dinosaurs, striking the Earth and kicking up enough dust to block the sun for years. This will kill every living thing on the planet. In fact, it will re-kill everything that's already dead, that's how devastating it will be."

"We've attempted to contact the aliens without success," Burroughs told us. "Maybe they've turned off the listening devices -- payback for all the soap operas, game shows and
Miami Vice broadcasts that have gone into space over the years." General Burroughs turned a whiter shade of pale. "We've tried signaling them with lasers, giant white flags, even big rubber hands with extended 'We're Number One' fingers. No response. Hell, right now I'd settle for a cow with good pair of hind legs to jump over the moon and get their attention."

However, Dr. Stasis said that all is not lost. NASA scientists are working with the famed Miskatonic Institute of Technology on a possible solution.

"We can't stop the acid but we may be able to contain the explosive lunar core," MIT's Dr. Roger Debris explained. "In analyzing the cathartic frequencies emanating from the moon, we've determined that by using a space-based prism to reverse the polarity of ordinary photons we can transmute the light of the silvery moon into common lead. That will create a shield inside the acid tunnel -- like Pepto-Bismol coating your upset stomach. With luck, the lead lining will keep the moon from bursting.

"Of course, because of that tunnel the moon may simply fall apart like the halves of an orange," Dr. Debris admitted. "But it's better to have two smaller moons than no moon and an Earth that looks like Swiss cheese."

"I have confidence in our scientists to lick this problem," General Burroughs remarked. "But we'll have to face our own hazardous waste issue someday. While NASA is busy saving our skins, I hope they're also looking for some alien moon where we can leave our own nuclear junk."

And now to bed.