The FReeper Foxhole - Military Humor, Part 1 - February 5th, 2005

see educational sources

[snippy_about_it]

Lord,

Keep our Troops forever in Your care

Give them victory over the enemy...

Grant them a safe and swift return...

Bless those who mourn the lost.
.

FReepers from the Foxhole join in prayer
for all those serving their country at this time.


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Military Humor


THE REAL NAVY!

There is segment of the US population who know too little of true Navy life. We all have friends, co-workers, and family members that think that the REAL Navy is a "TOP GUN " existence. You know those people that have watched one too many episodes of " JAG ", and think that the Navy life is glamorous.

Here are a few suggestion for those people on how they can experience Navy life, right in the comfort of their own homes.

Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the drywall.

Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement " deck gray. "

Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 for a beer until you are hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

On Mondays. Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesdays and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. on Saturdays and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

Raise your bed to within 36 inches of the ceiling.



Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout, "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out."

Have you mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the next day and read it to you.

Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for 3 days straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on it that reads "secured, contact OA DIV at X-3053."

Submit a written request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's o.k. for you to leave your house before 3pm.

Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home.... you can't leave until the next day.

Shower with above mentioned friends.

Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home, for example, become a dishwasher operator, blender technician etc...

Walk around your car for 4 hours and checking the tires pressure every 15 minutes.

Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly " lit off "

Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.

Repaint your entire house once a month.

Cook all of your food blindfolded, grabbing for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on. Now, chow down! you have 5 minutes....

Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month. losing every 5th item.

Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the weather channel.

Have your 5 year old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe and call it "world travel ."

" Needle gun " the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.

When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack and order them to man their battle stations.

Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. then make them wait in line for at least an hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham and hot dogs. repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the menu anymore and they just ask for hot dogs.

In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals.

Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. then tell them that at the end of the 6th week, you're going to take them to Disneyland for " weekend liberty ". when the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for E-cert, and that it will be another week before they can leave the house.

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FReeper Foxhole Armed Services Links

[snippy_about_it]

...never mind, I'll write my Homeowner's Assoc. instead.

LOL. Might as well! Good to see you at the start of the day. ;-)

That Navy coffee recipe looks more dangerous than Darksheare's.

[SAMWolf]

Morning Grzegorz 246.

Only in Holywood. ;-)

[snippy_about_it]

I'm not 100% yet but I have faith I'm headed there! It's chilly here and a bit overcast but no fog for a change. Hoping for the sun to come out soon.

It's wonderful that you still have those letters.

[SAMWolf]

:-)

A lot better than old Madie Halfbright.

[snippy_about_it]

60 degrees! Enjoy the day, we're thinking we might have an early spring here.

[SAMWolf]

Morning w_over_w

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 to six hours before drinking it.

Take my word, Navy coffee beats the hell out of Army Coffee.

[SAMWolf]

LOL!

In the Navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the Navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the Navy
Come on now people make a stand
In the Navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the Navy
Come on protect the motherland
In the Navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the Navy
Come on people and make a stand
In the Navy
In the Navy

[SAMWolf]

We're supposed to get into the upper 40's

[w_over_w]

Good to see you at the start of the day.

And you too! You sound rested!

[alfa6]

Rocky and I racked up the last of the leaves from in front of the trailer yesterday. Side yard is next.

Hmmm, did you see yesterdays thread by chnace??? :-)

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[alfa6]

Up in time for lunch bump on the Freeper Foxhole

How goes the bird seed business, eh?

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[Professional Engineer]

Good mornin gladies and gent. Flag-o-Gidget.

[Darksheare]

LOL!

Advance party (Artillery): Walk the perimeter of a field and note all items that are out of place like female medics out for a stroll and OpFor, report back what you have found without having a radio to do so.

Do the above security sweep again, this time stay out of sight while staying in sight of the Observer Controllers so they can grade your performance.
Listen to the head OC gripe about the importance of stealth and how you'd be dead if he was the OpFor at the moment.

Watch OC return fifteen minutes later acting as advance party for OpFor.

Emplace the howitzer perfectly level in the middle of gopher central +/-10 mils cant.
Ensure the howitzer is not over 90 mils left/right cant.

Do this with the OpFor milling about and smoking in plain sight of you.

Position improvement, your second life.

Roll out the concertina wire, without shredding your uniform, build and emplace machine gun bunkers, string tanglefoot, dig trenches, and make a fire base, then take down the howitzers to move to another position and do the above all over again.

Dig the powder pit where the SOP says to do so.
Try not to laugh when the Captain falls into the powder pit and screams about the pit being out where people walk.

Emplace howitzer as per training, writing down all azimuth numbers, get the aiming circle and safety circle lay and safe go ahead, and then discover you are 1900 mils out from the azimuth you should be on.

;-)
There's more, but I don't wanna run over long.

[Iris7]

The Navy calls shipboard bunks, like in your photo, "racks".

I notice that the modern racks in the photo are amazingly roomy. I remember them being much more crowded.

The aisle ways between the racks were so narrow that two people could not pass each other. Even one person had to turn sideways to move between the two rows of racks. Maybe 16" wide aisle ways. (Most places on the boat were like that. Wherever you went there was only passage for one person at a time unless you made room for each other by bracing against a wall ("bulkhead"), a sort of dance that one learned quickly.)

The racks used to be much narrower than those in the picture. If you lay with your hands at your sides your arms would fall off the rack on both sides, since the rack was not wide enough for this.

And last but not least, the vertical distance between the racks was very much less. If the fellow above you had not fully "triced up" the canvas bottom of his rack, and therefore his behind hung down too far, it was impossible to turn over without hitting him in the rear with your hips.

In the photo of the guys in the racks, as I recollect it, in the room available there would be at least five racks high, and not three. Where there is a single row three racks high there would have been two rows of narrower racks instead. Where three guys are in the photo there used to be ten.

The old salts talked about being told about the hammock days by the really old salts they knew in their youth. Entire crews slept in hammocks, each individual in his hammock that he had hung up in the mess deck. At five AM everybody up, and hammocks stowed until ten PM. Remember that each one of those tightly packed guys had a watch, had duty at a job, from 8 PM to Midnight, or Midnight to 4 AM, or from 4 AM to 8 AM. Oncoming watches had to be awakened a half hour early. People coming and going all night long.

Spent months at a time never sleeping at the same time two nights running and never sleeping more than four hours straight. Pretty much everybody would skip a meal or two a day in order to nap anywhere it was warm.

[Professional Engineer]

Airman! Bring me a bucket of prop wash.

[Professional Engineer]

Hi miss Feather

[Professional Engineer]

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

ROFL

[Professional Engineer]

Hiya Sam

[Samwise]

If you guys don't hear from me again, please send help.

The hobbit lass turned 13 and is having a sleepover tonight. A house full of teenage girls...we are frightened. Hubby and I plan to lock oursleves in our room with DVDs and a fire extinguisher. :^)

[Professional Engineer]

with DVDs and a fire extinguisher. :^)

Is this what we have to look forward to in 12 years? ROFL