You don't seem to understand that I was raised Christian and tried my best to believe in it for years. I really tried.
I was also raised Christian. But I did not come to the table until I was an adult. You are absolutely correct, you can't force yourself to believe. Even Paul didn't believe by making a decision to believe. He believed when He met Jesus. I'm going to presume you haven't met him.
When I was young I used to have horrible nightmares of going to hell because I just didn't believe in any of it. I saw no reason to.
I am sorry for your nightmares. I wish I could have talked with you then. I don't claim that I am super-Evangelist. I just wish I could have tried.
And as for your parable, I can't tell if "the banquet" is supposed to represent Christian fellowship, or a psychological state of well-being, or the second coming, or heaven.
It is fellowship with Jesus Himself.
But I can tell you this: if it represents Christian fellowship I've tried it and found Christians to be no better (or worse) friends than non-Christians.
Often they are worse. I will not claim to be better.
If it represents a psychological state of well-being, I must tell you that a dogma which says "believe in a story that makes no sense to you or be punished" never gave me an iota of peace.
I can imagine.
Only when I finally realized I was free to walk away and nothing would happen to me did I breathe easy for the first time in my life.
You are always free. It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. You can do whatever you want. But Jesus came to give you abundant life. You will never have it without Him.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't point out that you are trying to rook people into entering into a dogma that places your own mind as your own worst enemy?
There have been and will always be people who twist the message. That is why I point away from people and to Him who gave the message. It is His message. It is His invitation. You can know Him and bring all your cares to Him.
Come to the Table.
Shalom.
Let me ask you something. If someone put a gun to a woman's head and told her "get in this car," would it be considered a "free act" if she got into the car (because she was terrified of being killed if she did not obey?) As long as the doctrine of hell exists, Christianity is not a free choice. Hell is the gun to your head.