She'll do in a pinch.
Posted on 09/03/2024 8:14:00 PM PDT by Morgana
Faith Church is a non-denominational ‘word of faith’ church in St. Louis, MO. Led by pastor and pastrix duo David and Nicole Crank, they claim “18,000 members across eight campuses in Missouri, Illinois, and Florida” and have the ethos of your typical “You’re-David-and-here-are seven-life-tips-to-help-you-kill-your-Goliath-of-debt” kind of church.
David Crank has a long and sordid history of being unable to preach himself out of a paper bag if his life depended on it, with a lobotomized monkey with a pen taped to its hand frequently giving him a run for his money over who can write a more coherent sermon with less scripture twisting.
We recently covered them after they built a roller coaster on stage and got the worship band to croon out the Ohio Players/ Red Hot Chili Peppers song “Love Rollercoaster” while 3-foot sparklers went off.
While those sorts of shennanigans and word of mouth attention will certainly draw some people to the church, Nicole Crank has brought her own personal marketing to a whole new level.
Despite both being multimillionaires, the couple is always on the lookout for ways to pad their coffers, and a ‘subscription’ to Nicole Crank seems to have done the trick.
Crank offers a ‘Circle of Friends’, a membership class where congregants and passersby can pay her $29.99/month to have access to her best sermons, participate in a group monthly Zoom call with her, receive the occasional free book in the mail, and attend monthly “Guest Influencer Sessions” with folks like Christine Caine, Mike Todd, and Joel Osteen.
For those who can afford more than the mere pittance of $360 a month to be in her “circle of friends,” she has created the exclusive Inner Circle Masterclass for only $16,999 a year.
Here, members who want to go “deeper” will receive a year-long, exclusive mastermind led by Nicole Crank, where she will help women:
✓ Discover and destroy the limiting beliefs that have been holding you back. ✓ Develop a detailed action plan, guiding you towards achieving your aspirations and living your dreams with clarity. ✓ Equip yourself with tools to reduce stress, boost energy, and navigate challenges, enabling you to thrive in your purpose-driven journey. ✓ Immerse yourself in a supportive community of high achievers, dedicated to professional advancement and personal empowerment. ✓ Get tools to help you maximize your time, increase your revenue, and increase your influence and impact in your industry.
Some of the perks inlcude:
✓ Private Text Strand
✓ Private Text Access to Nicole
✓ All audio books, podcasts, speakers, online courses
✓ Circle of Friends Access
✓ Special Reserved Seating at all I Am Woman and Nicole Crank Events
Furthermore, members will receive a half-day group coaching session ONCE a year, over Zoom, as well as ONE personalized one-on-one session led by Nicole where she will “help you chart a path towards greater success and fulfillment, maximizing your potential for lasting gains.”
They will be invited to attend three Mastermind Immersive Trips that are “meticulously curated environments and experiences, designed to go deep, where we can learn at a rapid rate, relax, have fun, blow off steam, and come back for MORE!”
However, Immersive trip travel expenses are NOT included.
Lastly, once a month members will receive 60-90 minutes of Zoom coaching, which will help participants “deepen your skill sets, be challenged with new ideas, and accelerate your progress.”
For those interested but concerned about the price, fear not! You can make quarterly payments of $4249.75, or if you pay the “one-time Annual Membership fee of $16,999 upfront, you will receive a 10% discount which equals a total of $15,500.”
Why, with those discounts and payments options, it’s practically a steal.
David Crank. How appropriate for a “crank” pastor.
A fool and his money are soon parted.
Some self-proclaimed Christian leaders promote a distorted version of the gospel that emphasizes material wealth and financial prosperity as signs of God’s favor. They often manipulate scripture to promote the idea that faithfulness to God leads to material success, exploiting vulnerable believers and perpetuating a message contrary to biblical teachings on humility, sacrifice, and stewardship.
https://www.christianity.com/wiki/slideshows/7-signs-we-are-in-the-end-times.html
The wife is mega hot.
Outrageous!
That’s disgraceful.
We have a lot of great women at our church that wouldn’t have $16,999. I guess they would be excluded from the inner circle? It’s a shameful that a pastor’s wife would exclude others based upon their ability to pay.
I would like to hear one of the Cranks preach on Mark 8:36.
She is making more money than she could on Only Fans. And she gets to keep her clothes on.
Whaddaya get for 25k? Maybe a monthly private session for the next two years?
>> And she gets to keep her clothes on.
As far as we know...
To chart a path towards greater success and fulfillment, maximizing your potential for lasting gains dump David and Nicole Crank.
As a woman, I will not attend any church lead by a woman.
She'll do in a pinch.
Can I post a list of 95 things I find wrong with this?
Not only that, but right there in the first sentence, it says they are “word of faith.” The name it claim it group. I don’t buy it.
Yea sure why not
So is Satan. For all eternity. Very hot.
Cheaper than an Onlyfans account?
Well said.
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