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Babylon Bee: Man In Coma For Past Month Arrives At Church, Assumes He's Been Left Behind
Babylon Bee ^
| March 30th, 2020
| Babylon Bee
Posted on 03/30/2020 12:44:47 PM PDT by xzins
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1
posted on
03/30/2020 12:44:47 PM PDT
by
xzins
To: xzins
That ought to be quite a jolt
2
posted on
03/30/2020 12:50:00 PM PDT
by
Track9
(Islam: Turning everything it touches to ShiÂ’ite since 632 AD)
To: xzins
Not to worry - once saved, always saved (or is God an Indian-giver).
3
posted on
03/30/2020 12:52:10 PM PDT
by
Psalm 73
To: Psalm 73
I suppose he could have gone to the church’s video website.
That’s the same as church...right?
4
posted on
03/30/2020 12:56:20 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
To: xzins
5
posted on
03/30/2020 1:05:13 PM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: xzins
Be careful. freepers can be pretty vicious.
6
posted on
03/30/2020 1:06:10 PM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: xzins
Ok, bumping this just for the headline
7
posted on
03/30/2020 1:06:25 PM PDT
by
silverleaf
(Remember kids: You can vote your way into communism, but you have to shoot your way out!)
To: wastoute
If there is virtual church, can there be a virtual rapture?
Or video?
8
posted on
03/30/2020 1:14:36 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
To: xzins
When I was in seminary, everyone in the boy’s dorm made a plan. When the new guy was in the shower, everyone else took (most of) their clothes off and left them on the floor, on chairs, on beds, etc. When New Guy got out of the shower, he assumed the worst.
9
posted on
03/30/2020 1:17:05 PM PDT
by
MayflowerMadam
( For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.)
To: xzins
My SIL is now the Senior Virtual Pastor of a very large Baptist Church.
10
posted on
03/30/2020 1:17:24 PM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: xzins
...and my daughter has been a virtual professor of Neuroscience at Liberty for a while now.
11
posted on
03/30/2020 1:18:33 PM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: xzins
Oh man, I want to show this to Kay but if I want a hot meal tonight, wisdom before fun!
To: silverleaf
The title is funny by itself, but this line is good, too:
Luckily, the church had prepared for such an occasion with a pamphlet titled “So You’ve Been Left Behind” available in the lobby.
13
posted on
03/30/2020 1:27:14 PM PDT
by
Moonman62
(http://www.freerepublic.com/~moonman62/)
To: blue-duncan
Blame me.
It’s funny. And I’m a pre-tribber for the most part. :>)
14
posted on
03/30/2020 1:27:41 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
To: wastoute; blue-duncan
My favorite is virtual communion.
Virtually “assembling ourselves together” and virtual “fellowship” just don’t really feel “real”.
15
posted on
03/30/2020 1:29:29 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
To: xzins
I don’t care who you are, that’s FUNNY! THANKS
16
posted on
03/30/2020 1:31:49 PM PDT
by
smvoice
(I WILL NOT WEAR THE RIBBON.)
To: xzins
My SILs church is pretty well off. I could name member names of people you would know on TV. They arent as concerned as smaller churches who depend on Easter to get through the summer. I wonder if there is government help for them?
17
posted on
03/30/2020 1:33:09 PM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: xzins
There are secret Communion services now, just as they have in China
To: xzins
"Thats the same as church...right?"
Our old church demolished their library (great study place), and built a coffee shop in its stead.
The following year they took the cross down from behind the pulpit. It can be offensive to some....
19
posted on
03/30/2020 1:37:12 PM PDT
by
Psalm 73
To: txrefugee
Awesome!
Assembly does not require a building. Lock the building. I don’t care.
As an Army chaplain, I held services in the open in mid-winter in snow and outside. The troops showed up.
Sermons were shorter, so was communion, but the fellowship was real.
20
posted on
03/30/2020 1:37:50 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
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