Requirements:
1. Weekly communion ("This is my body, this is my blood" refers to unleavened bread and wine, not vanilla wafers and grape juice.)
2. Tolerance for belief in theistic evolution.
3. No ordination or enabling of pedophiles or sodomites.
4. No use of parishioner donations to pay court settlements against clergy. Let the hierarchy pay out of their retirement funds.
6. No Arianism.
7. No Adventist/End Times preaching.
8. NO SNAKES.
Meanwhile, I've read more of the bible in the past two years than I did in the previous 20. While I'd really like to find a community of believers to share my faith with, I think I'm OK.
I looked at your list ( and no, I am not Catholic ), but I don’t see why you have to leave the catholic church to go to another denomination when you can move to a Parish that meets your requirements.
OFFICIALLY, Roman Catholicism does not ordain pedophiles or sodomites ( but they have to know who they are first because many slip through the cracks ).
Also, I don’t think Catholicism considers belief in theistic evolution heretical. It would be an in-house debate where Catholics can agree to disagree.
Your #’s 2 and 3 are typically at cross purposes, the one unorthodox belief goes hand in hand with the other unorthodox belief. Not saying that you agree so no need to be angry, just stating facts. Off the top of my head I’d say try the Easter Orthodox.
If it weren’t for
2. Tolerance for belief in theistic evolution.
7. No Adventist/End Times preaching.
I’d suggest the “Plymouth Brethren” (not an official name)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plymouth_Brethren
However, since each congregation is self governing there's wide variation among them in terms of "Liberal vs. Conservative" outlook. Our church went through a period when the pastor included diatribes about global warming in his sermons and was in general an overbearing pr***. I stopped attending for awhile. He was replaced by a younger and more conservative pastor who preaches from the Bible. Very open, family oriented, welcoming to all including people with disabilities, and very much Christ centered.
Quite a few in our congregation are "lapsed" Catholics or married to Catholics who attend, share Communion with us, but decline to formally join ("Once a Cat'lic, always a Cat'lic"). No bar to anyone sharing Communion as we're all sinners and in need of forgiveness.
Give reformed a shot. That would be the John MacArthur, John Piper, RC Sproul, Mark Devers, Mike McKinley variety. They don’t mess around.
Sounds like a plan. When you find the right place let us know.
That one made me laugh.