Some friends and I in a public house
Were playing dominoes one night,
When into the pub a fireman ran
His face all a chalky white.
“What’s up”, says Brown, “Have you seen a ghost,
Or have you seen your Aunt Mariah? “
“Me Aunt Mariah be buggered if your eyes can’t see!”
“The bleedin’ pub’s on fire!”
“Oh well,” says Brown, “What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me.
It’s down to the cellar
If the fire’s not there
Then we’ll have a grand old spree. “
So we went down with good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn’t been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite like this:
[Chorus:]
And there was Brown upside down
Suckin’ up the whiskey on the floor.
“Booze, booze!” The firemen cried
Til there came a great knockin’ at the door (clap clap)
Oh don’t let ‘em in till it’s all drunk up
And somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then there came from the old back door
The Vicar of the local church.
And when he saw our drunken ways,
He began to scream and curse.
“Ah, you drunken sods! You heathen clods!
You’ve taken to a drunken spree!
You drank up all the Benedictine wine
And you didn’t save a drop for me! “