I've come to believe that, until we get to the point - as Job did - where we can honestly say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.", we will never reach the full potential of our faith. It may be until we get to heaven before we fully understand God's purpose and will behind the suffering He has permitted into our lives, but we WILL one day and I am willing to wait. It's either trust Him because He is God and He loves us or reject that there even IS a God - and I've already seen too much for that to ever be the case.
I continue to remember you in my prayers.