Thank you for the offer of the pamphlet, but I am going to decline. To me Jesus says numerous times that the pain never ends. I think you are trying to be a bit too clever by suggesting that punishment can continue while the person can be destroyed forever.
I have been concentrating on some moments in my life in God may have spoken to me. Not that this is clear, but maybe He gave me help in a few areas of my life. The thing that is so confusing is often I think the ideas were mine alone and other times I think someone gave them to me.
Actually it is more than just guidance, I often get the sense that my life means something, and the guidance is just helping me fulfill the meaning in my life.
If I am created for a meaningful purpose, and if someone (other than myself) is internally guiding me to the right purpose, than this person must be God, and this guidance must be His will. Sometimes this guidance seems loving, sometimes is seems downright cruel, and sometimes I am not sure that anyone is guiding me at all.
This is sort of an existential proof of God that I came up with the last few days. Not sure if it works.
He says if you seek Him with all your heart you will find Him. Sounds like you’re seeking. As a former agnostic/atheist who also sought, good luck with your quest!