Your point that the ex might be dead by now, is a good one. Sally’s parents are moderately well-off, and Fr. Pete has already urged them to hire a professional PI. I actually have hopes for this one, but it’s going to take a long time, and Sally is struggling and suffering. It’s very hard to watch this happen. And she hasn’t even the Sacraments to console her.
She could receive the Sacraments every single day if that was her highest priority. Another FReeper (Steve something, can't remember his exact handle) has pointed out repeatedly the option of a "Josephite" marriage in cases like this. She and her husband could go to a different church (one where nobody knows their business). Single Catholics and homosexual Catholics must practice chastity. An exception for those remarried civilly for a second time is morally inconsistent.
Thank you for your explanation of the Church’s policy on recognizing other Christian marriages.
As for Sally, what a shame. I will pray for her. FWIW, the picture that keeps flashing in my mind as I read your posts about her is one from my Psych 101 class of two infants who were put into a stressful, confined situation. The boys typically looked for ways to get out. The girls sat and cried, apparently hoping to be rescued.