“If I am reading what I think I am reading, you’re saying that there are some created to be cast into Hell and tortured for all eternity even if they desire to be saved and ask for salvation.”
The first part is correct, but the last part is wrong. I never said that anyone is damned who desired to be saved and asked for salvation. My point is, that no man willingly desires to be saved or asks for salvation unless drawn to do it by the Holy Ghost. All those who will be damned, jump into it headlong, or in their self-righteousness. All those who are saved, they are taught of the Lord, and all those taught of the Lord do come to the Son.
Therefore, you have nothing to fear. Though I cannot see into your heart, do you desire to serve God? Do you despair of yourself and your inability to merit heaven, and put your trust in Christ? Then you do well.
Yes, yes, and yes! I know I do not merit Heaven, and the ONLY way I'm getting there is through the Lord Jesus. I fall so short sometimes in my walk with God. I rely on His grace a LOT.