“So, if you’re a Catholic, it’s safe to blab to your priest about your misdeeds; if you’re a Methodist or Lutheran or pretty much anything else...........”
Going to confession is not the same as ‘blabbing to a priest’. If the person confessing thinks it is, then it is an invalid confession. A strong sense of remorse is needed to be forgiven any sins. Only God will know if that remorse id sincere. The priest is an intermediary between the sinner and God giving the penitent counseling, and advise for spiritual strength. Part of that advice is to make the good for the bad behavior - go to the police, ask forgiveness from the person you wrongs, return stolen property, etc.
Confession is not magic, but it is a mystical thing in that it involves our spirit and God. God does not forgive chameleons.
I didn’t mean to downgrade the solemnity of confession, I was just turning a phrase to explain what one could or could not do. I appreciate, though, the more refined religious perspective than mine.