Love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy...
Jesus loved the church in the ultimate submission...unto death on the cross. I say these instructions tell the husband to submit to even a greater extent than the wife. It is not a contest, it is being Christlike in your words and actions towards the one who Christ has made you one flesh with.
Eph 5: 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
...submitting to one another in the fear of God.
All Christians are supposed to submit to one another in some aspects. Yes, the husband is supposed to have a leadership role, but it's not a dictatorship. And, as you both pointed out, that role comes with some serious responsibilities as well.
Someone needs to ask those husbands how they are doing on their part, and maybe remind them of some of the characteristics of love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:4–5)