Perhaps it speaks to God’s capacity to love and forgive as opposed to ours.
God also knows the condition of individual hearts and acts accordingly.
Everything you have mentioned is sin in His eyes and by rights should result in death and separation from God forever for all, but in His love and mercy He made a plan to change that.
I used to often question Him, but as time passed I have seen that He is so much higher and greater than I that there is no way I could ever fully comprehend His mind. We see only from our puny human viewpoint...it’s like an ant trying to understand us.
I am sure this is not what you want to hear but it is my take after a 20-year walk. And still I have not begun to scratch the surface...a billion 20-year periods would not be enough.
You have spoken well. I am not looking for a specific answer, just others opinions on things that bother me. I have had questions in my mind that took in a few cases 20 years to get an answer, but the story of Lot still ticks me off and as a much younger woman (now 74) the story of Lot almost made me quit reading any farther. But have read the bible through many times over the years, but not lately.