From Calvinist Prosecutor to Catholic Apologist

Catholic World Report ^ | July 26, 2013 | David Paul Deavel

[Elsie]

I only come here for the jokes, as they say.

Tada!!

---

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

 

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

 

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

He said, "Christian."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

 

I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of GOD or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

He said, "Baptist Church of GOD!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of GOD, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of GOD?"

He said,"Reformed Baptist Church of GOD!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of GOD, reformation of 1915!"

 

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

-- Emo Phillips

[narses]

“Mary is still dead.”

Mornons do not believe in life eternal?

[ronnietherocket3]

First, I am rejecting Biblical literalism. Second, who else has been born at that point. Up until that point, only 4 humans are mentioned, one was killed.

[Revolting cat!]

Good one, thanks.

[Elsie]

What Catholics teach about Mary’s children is that they are spiritual children, not biological children.

MORMONism teaches Spirit Babies; too!

[Elsie]

Really, where is this in scripture?

1 Corinthians 15:22
KJV

For as in Adam all die...

[Elsie]

Elijah was carried up into Heaven.

So?

Before the Internet; it was HARD to find out the price of eggs in China.

[Revolting cat!]

I don’t need these lectures, flames and insults. Let it be G=d, and J*sus, or whatevah. As I said earlier, I only come here for the jokes, and as JimRob said on this thread “I don’t understand the bickering on this forum between Catholics and protestants”, which is exactly what’s motivated me entering these religious threads, that and nothing else, but somehow or another I managed to get myself in the middle of these silly rotten food fights.

[Elsie]

Really, where is this in scripture?

HEBREWS 9:27

And as it is appointed to men once to die...

[boatbums]

Poisoning the well five posts into a thread? Ain’t too cool.

[narses]

[Elsie]

Stick to images, son...

[BlueDragon]

The more outlandish joke is that Elsie is a Mormon.

Next thing we know, he'll be a "moderator" also, playing a tricky double-reverse spy game, just to stick it to those pesky caf-O-lics, even at the expense of years of criticizing his own double-secret, private but fervently held convictions, which he openly and strenuously opposes.

The plot thickens. Pass it on.

[Elsie]

He rebuked Peter on a matter of discipline, not doctrine.

Oh?

Prove it.

[Elsie]

Stick to pictures...

[narses]

Are you Mornon?

[Elsie]

First, I am rejecting Biblical literalism.

Uh...

I've noticed.

[boatbums]

Tell me something, why do Catholics bother to post provocative threads to stir up anti-everyone-but-Catholic-Christians on an OPEN religion forum and then joke and mock at anyone who has a reply? It smacks of insecurity, inferiority and a troubled persecution complex.

[Elsie]

It sounds SO much like our threads here; don’t it!?!

[boatbums]

Way to love someone to Christ! /sarc