I take it that you were formerly Catholic?
Started as a Catholic - Christening/Baptism/First Communion/Confirmation. Never got the real message or understood what it was all about. Could make the Latin responses in mass and not have a clue about what was being said. Made a conscious decision to become agnostic at about age 14 and stayed that way for close to 30 years. Events in life got me to acknowledge God and to begin praying, but still didn't have the real message. Sat in a non-denominational church at age 50 and heard and accepted the Good News - became saved that day with tears running down my cheeks. Got into the Bible and discovered so much to be in awe/wonder of and to appreciate God's Plan for us.