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I've pondered a reply to the “Why do men stay away?” question several times, but here it goes.

I was baptized in the Methodist Church and confirmed there. I sang in the church choirs for 10 years with perfect attendance (got an award for it). Ours was a large church and we had a Minister, Assistant Minister, and Minister of Music. The latter man, God rest his soul, gave me an appreciation for church music of the great masters I enjoy to this very day.

I did not leave the Methodist Church — the Church left me. It left slowly, but methodically. Our Minister of Music resigned for health reasons (cancer claimed him); our Assistant Minister and Minister retired. We got a new female to lead the church and the lower slots were filled but divinity school graduates.

The departure of our former church leaders was almost as it a candle, once burning so brightly in the darkness, was snuffed out. The end of the road came when my mother received two rude and insulting letters from the building fund manager about how much she'd fallen behind in her monthly voluntary amount. The second letter reduced my mother to tears and armed with the letter, I went down to the church for a man-on-man talk with this weasel.

As happened, the building fund person was in and we had a rather one way discussion: (1) ‘voluntary’ means VOLUNTARY and not a contractual obligation — it is not a monthly bill (and money was very tight); (2) what right do you have you send out a dunning letter like this, because I'd never seen the like of it before or since; (3) consider all financial obligations you have with me as ended and I will recommend to my parents that they drop the building fund assessment also. I left the church over this jackass. I later learned that he'd had some financial problems (unspecified) and volunteered his resignation.

Some time after I'd been back from the service, my old assistant minister called me about returning to the church (he'd been recalled from retirement to roundup strays from the flock). I heard him out and told him about the business manager (he was appalled), and in the end turned him down.

I have looked for a good replacement for my old church, but none seems to measure up. The local churches preach a pablum of new age psychobabble and liberalism. The kiss of death for me came when our Methodist UME denomination joined the National Council of Churches. Many of the other church denominations in town have similar affiliations. Once I knew the church fathers had aligned themselves with the dark side, I was done. Since then, I have met several people who were in churches that they found immensely satisfying. They were good, upright people and were strong testaments to their faiths. However, my quest continues.