The Socially Awkward Person's Guide to the Sign of Peace

The National Catholic Register ^ | 6/3/11 | Jennifer Fulwiler

[marshmallow]

The first time I went to a Catholic Mass, there were a lot of things that seemed crazy to me. The kneeling, the incense, the parts with everyone saying the same prayers at the same time—most of it was baffling. But none of it startled me more than when the priest suddenly said, “Let us offer one another a sign of peace.” With no warning other than that simple phrase, there was eye contact! And hand-shaking! And verbal interaction! People I didn’t even know were looking at me and addressing me!

For those of us who are both extremely introverted and socially awkward, this sort of rampant interaction with other human beings isn’t the sort of thing you just rush into. It requires practice, preparation, and analysis on a scale not entirely dissimilar to that of a moon landing. For my fellow people who share the psychological profile of SHBDH (Should Have Been a Desert Hermit), I offer this handy guide to the strange extrovert ritual known as the sign of peace:

WHAT TO DO

* The sign of peace occurs shortly after the Our Father. You want to be able to focus on the Lord’s Prayer, so if you plan to do any warm-up exercises, stretching, or visualization techniques to prepare yourself for the hand shaking and interaction, try to do it after the Liturgy of the Word when they pass the collection plates.

* When the time comes, you engage in the sign of peace by shaking the hands of the people around you and saying, “Peace be with you.” Each handshake preferably includes a smile and at least one full second of eye contact.

* It is acceptable to say only “peace be with you” and move on to the next person. “Peace of Christ” and the abbreviated.....

[marshmallow]

The SOP is something I could happily do without.

[BlueAngel]

Same here.

[momtothree]

I prefer the hand shake. Okay, I am a stick in the mud but I have noticed couples giving the sign of the peace via a kiss. That wasn’t done when I was a kid and I don’t agree with it today.

[pgkdan]

I’m with you there!

[gunnyg]

“Sorry Bout Dat” is the one that frosts my nutz....

All you old fartz from the early ‘60s know what that means....

[bboop]

Oh I could do without it too.

[wideawake]

That wasn’t done when I was a kid and I don’t agree with it today.

There was no such thing as a "handshake of peace" until the late 60s.

If there was a physical gesture of peace between 33 AD and 1965 AD, it was a kiss, or nothing.

And a it was a kiss in the Mediterranean style of greeting, not a "romantic" one.

And from at least 600 AD to 1965 AD, there was no rubric for the faithful in the pew to offer any physical gesture of peace. The term "sign of peace" is nonexistent in the Latin of both the 1962 and 1970 rites.

[famousdayandyear]

One of the MANY reasons to attend the Traditional Mass if one can be found.

[momtothree]

I would classify the kisses that I see as romantic but not passionate. How to describe? A kiss on the lips between a man and woman (thus far) that last about 2-3 seconds but does not involve further touching. I am not against public displays of affection but there is a time and a place. (at least that is how I was raised)

[Mercat]

I like it. And I do hug and kiss my husband and give hugs to other family members if they are there. If the person I am greeting is a child, I sometimes add a “God bless you.” Maybe it isn’t purely liturgical. In October we get new liturgy so we’ll see if it survives but for now I’m okay with it. Oh, and warning to those of you Protestants who find yourselves at a wedding or funeral with Catholic family members - you’ll be expected to hold hands with them during the Our Father. I know that’s sort of scary but give it a try.

[Mercat]

Oh, and sometimes we sing the Our Father. My nephew sang it amazingly well at his auntie’s funeral and the whole congregation joined along. And then the sun came out. Very cool.

[NYer]

The Maronite Approach

In the Maronite tradition, in the Rite of Peace (Peace to you, O Holy Altar of God, Peace to the offerings placed upon you…) prayed at the beginning of the Anaphora, the bishop/priest gives the sign of peace which comes directly from Christ symbolized by the altar, then the sign of peace is given to all the faithful. The priest extends this peace to an altar server by clasping his hands over that of the server. The server then carries this peace to two "peace bearers" (usually children). They move down the central aisle, offering the sign of peace to those at the end of the pews. These parishioners then turn and offer the peace in the same way to their immediate neighbor who, afterwards, does the same. Thus the peace is propagated throughout the congregation.

As well as providing a beautiful visual effect, this makes a profound statement about the peace which we receive from the altar and which connects us all. I think this is a beautiful, solemn, gentle and heartfelt sign of peace and I think it would be wonderful if this practice were adopted by the Latin Church.

[famousdayandyear]

Just to be a “little” orthodox, there is no instruction in the Mass to hold hands at any time. Why it devolved during the Our Father I do not know? Hope the new missal sets this straight. Pax et Bonum.

[ArrogantBustard]

Oh, and warning to those of you Protestants who find yourselves at a wedding or funeral with Catholic family members - you’ll be expected to hold hands with them during the Our Father

That gesture is far from universally practiced, is not specified in the rubrics, and is strongly discouraged by the Congregation for Divine Worship.

I don't do it.

[wideawake]

Oh, and warning to those of you Protestants who find yourselves at a wedding or funeral with Catholic family members - you’ll be expected to hold hands with them during the Our Father. I know that’s sort of scary but give it a try.

Holding hands during the Our Father is a practice imported from Protestantism, actually.

It has no history in the Church and whether or not it is used in a Catholic parish can generally be traced to how liberal a bishop that diocese had in the 1970s.

The practice struck me as bizarre when I first encountered it, since it is practically unknown in the New York Archdiocese.

[ArrogantBustard]

Oh, and sometimes we sing the Our Father.

Singing (chanting) parts or even all of the liturgical prayers is traditional to the Latin Rite, and is encouraged by the CDW.

[wideawake]

The hand holding is not nearly as off-putting as those who like to pray it in the orans (usually a sloppy approximation of orans) position.

I find that to be quite creepy.

[netmilsmom]

>>you’ll be expected to hold hands with them during the Our Father.<<

NOT in my parish!!! And NO one is required to hold hands. When we go to other parishes we do not hold hand, nor usurp the “Hands Extended” position reserved for Priests and Deacons.

It’s a liberal, hippie holdover and should be moved to the Liturgy of the Word or eliminated completely. In fact I know of Diocese in the US that are openly discouraging it.