That sort of sounds like me. I sat in confirmation class in sixth grade and had a teacher that said if you are not ready to give yourself 100% to God and the church, you shouldn’t be here. So I didn’t return. I was not ready to make that decision. And because class started at 8:00 am on a Saturday. Seriously. I thought if sleeping in is more important than being confirmed, I’m really not ready to be confirmed.
Fast forward 25 years and I’m back where I started, I hope a little bit smarter. I searched, I learned. My husband used to tell me that I was the biggest defender of the Catholic church and could recite the doctrine and history of the church better than anyone he knew, so what was I afraid of? I have faith, I believed, but I was just a text book of Catholicism while my husband felt and lived his faith. It’s the only way I can describe it. I am still on that journey but think I am getting closer.
Try adding 15 minutes of prayer to that everyday..regardless of feelings. ;0)
Be it 1 year or 25 years, it is a process, a journy, a time to discern.