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Sounds like he was struggling. Our walk with God is a constant learning experience. I use to do the same thing, still do some what. Where I tell myself I'm not good enough, beating myself up and I hear back instantly now, "of course you aren't that's why I sent my Son." When we beat ourselves up, and I'm not talking about reflecting on things that we can do better, but, the beating up stuff. That's coming from us or satan, not from God. And it does not please God. God sent His only Son to make us worthy, Jesus makes us worthy, we can never do this on our own. Our efforts are as rags. We are to do the things God has equipped us to do. He doesn't expect us to do them perfectly. He will make them perfect. Even when we mess up, He can still use the mess and make something beautiful out of it. He expects us to do what He has told us, or is telling us to do, that's it.

I use to feel the same thing about God being close and then other times it felt like He had abandoned me. As I have matured in my walk with God I have discovered that I was believing a lie. Why it took me so long to figure that out, I don't know. And I wish to never take that long again to learn what I need to know about God. God says, He will never leave us, nor forsake us. End of story. Whether we FEEL like He is near or not, He is still right there, where He was when we were FEELING Him close to us. He never left, or feelings just don't always match up to reality.